Carry Me Home - A LEGEND trilogy (Marie Lu) fanfiction

6. June

It is really awkward for Day to walk me home but I don't want him just to let go all of a sudden. Even if my mind is telling me to let him go and I walk home myself, I can't just bring the words to flow and tell him it directly.

I know that the right thing to do is for me to let go. It should be me who should do the first move. The only problem is that, I can't bring myself to do so.

I missed just being with him even in this simple walk down the streets at night. I missed being so close to him and on the circle of his protection.

He even told me that I can trust him to be someone I wish to be with. He just didn't know that I don't need to think so because he is all I wanted to be with and no one else.

I remember how I even break up with Anden years ago, making it firm and sure, a conclusion that I don't know if I'll regret it or not—there's just no hope for I to love him back the way he wanted me to do so. I don't want to play with his feelings, that's why I know that at that time Anden deserves to know the truth. And even if I know I'll hurt him, he needs to hear it from me directly. Before issues starts to spark around the Republic and even say that I'm just using him.

I shake the thoughts of Anden away. What matters now is that I'm with Day now.

Day is dead, I keep the reminder in myself. The one you're with now is Daniel not Day.

But he agreed with my choice to call him 'Day'? So what's wrong it. I know what's wrong: Day is different from Daniel. Day is the boy who grow up and survive in the streets for five years, lives in the slums as long as his body could manage and ever since he was born, never remove his worry over those he cares about, and will always carry a pint of hatred against the government, becoming a barrier or glue to keep the people of the Republic and the Republic itself together and intact.

And now that those memories of him had gone, who then is Daniel?

I finally break down the silence that have lingered longer than I even know. I asked plainly, "You've kept quiet during the dinner celebration of my birthday. You haven't spoken a single word after greeting me. Are you thinking of something? A girl back in Antarctica, I suppose."

Day finally looks at me, curiosity looming on his handsome and matured face. Though his hair is now short, I don't know why I can still see glimpses of his long hair. It's like a ghostly effect that flows behind him. "A girl back in Antarctica?" he repeated and shakes his head. "I've never dated anyone for the past ten years."

"Why?" I asked. "You have good looks you know, boyish charms that could attract any girl in Ross city."

He smiled at me. "You just don't know what happened I guess, that's why. Except with the fact that I lost every short-lived memories of mine before the past ten years."

"Well, I'm sorry if I wasn't in Ross to find out how you are doing there. I'm not a stalker, you know?"

It was on my last statement that he laughs. Compared to the last time that he does, Day now laughs and smiles whole-heartedly, without any trouble to think of, no fear clouding his eyes and no sorrow being his burden to carry on his way to the future waiting for him.

"Did I even suspect you to be a stalker?" he asked with a charming grin.

I smiled back at him. "Nope. But it seems like you're about to prefer that I should have. In order for you not to spill your history of what happened in Antarctica for the past ten years."

He sighed for a while and runs a hand on his hair again. "Actually, life in Ross for the past ten years is like a normal routine. Nothing really strange to share, I supposed. I spend most of those ten years taking medications, entering doctors' rooms to check over any improvements, and even some psychiatrists' consult in any case that few of my memories will start returning back. But I seldom have reminiscent of those that I've lost. And you'll find it weird that my first question to them is something they can't explain to me."