The Come Up

Chapter 6 - Sometimes

Sometimes i'm terrified to write.

Self reflection is a scary thing.

I often fear what my hands write down. Whatever it is, I know is 100% truth and the truth is hard to deal with. My anger, my happiness, my fear, my hurt... it's all there on display. I was never once worried about displaying it to others. I was always worried about displaying it to myself. Was I ready to read what I thought about me?

Every individual is fighting a war and individuals who aren't artist can ignore this war for as long as they chose. Probably until it breaks them down.

But my wars are written down for me. They stare right back at me, deep into the windows of my soul.

I can almost see the fire in my eyes and I desperately hope that one day this war will not destroy me. I fight back when I can and then other times I leave it to God. Ma tells me that God fixes all. That he knows all and is the only one we truly have at the end of the day. I've always believed her and somehow always used my own power first, and then go to God when it was overbearing. Ma said there's no such thing as my own power. That God was there the whole time. I'm starting to see that every day.

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I invited Trisha to the studio, just so she could have that experience with me. I recorded a hook for Trevon's song and we watched him rap his bars until he got a take that he loved. Trisha left early to go study for a history test. I never thought I would see the day where she would leave anything to study. I didn't gas it though.

After she left, I was kinda forced to be alone with Trevon. I don't want to say I've been avoiding him since he kissed me, but every time I have seen him since, I make sure Trish is with me. I know I'm being a complete coward and eventually i'll have to get it together. I'm pretending to write in my poetry book as he's spitting his bars.

"Let me hear that back." I hear him say from the booth.

Flex gives him a head nod then replays the take. As it is playing he turns to me, a sly grin on his face.

"What's going on with you two?" He asks.

I shrug. "What do you mean?"

"What do you mean?" He mocks.

I laugh and tap my pencil on my notebook.

"You over here blushin, can't keep still unless your friend is around. You haven't looked at him in the face once. I didn't know brown skinned girls could blush red." Flex was having the time of his life.

I threw my pencil at him and he dodged it skillfully.

"Yo, start me from the hook again. I don't like how that verse commin out." Trev said staring at Flex, his face pinned against the booth window.

"I feel you. You're heart not in it." Flex responded. "Your heart out here in Ms. Chanel's notebook." He mumbled.

"What?" Trev questioned truly missing what he said.

"Nothing." Flex answered smiling. I was in the couch giving him a death stare.

"Y'all out there making fun of me?" Trev's dimple peeked through the open door of the booth. He came out now, his eyes dodging from me to our producer. "What y'all chattin bout?" Trev sat on my lap.

I squirmed. "You're heavy, get up." I said.

Flex laughed. "Y'all cute. Forreal."

"Thank you. I appreciate it." Trev smiled and looked at me. "We cute. You not gon say thank you?"