The Come Up

Chapter 65 - Don't lie to me

I get home to Ma sleeping in the large white living room couch with the TV  still on and Honey Barbecue chips sprawled out on the floor. Another album signing in West Hollywood, my album was now Gold. The happiness of it all subsides quicker when I have so little people to share it with. I wiggle out of my heals and throw them to the side, making a loud clanking sound as it hit the floor. Ma shudders and her eyes open. I stand there frozen. 

"Sorry." I apologize softly. 

"Okay baby, go get some sleep. Big day tomorrow." She croaks. 

But everyday has been a big day, with no one to share it with. 

I pull my phone from my purse and run upstairs after seeing a missed call from Trevon. I call back immediately and the phone rings out. I haven't spoken to him since his show and every time I text him, he responds hours later with an excuse of getting held up in the studio with Flex. But he never calls back. Days have passed and I still haven't heard his voice. 

I click call again and sit on my carpet. My back against my bed. I pull my knees to my chest. With every unanswered ring, I feel my heart beginning to break. What was going on? How had it become so easy for him not to get back to me? How had I gone from having three good friends to having just one and a boyfriend ignoring me, miles away? I haven't heard from Pookie in months but Trish says he was at Trev's show. He changed his number because his cellphone says disconnected every time I call. I feel alone. I feel like all this music  has done is separated me from people who matter.

I can't even confide the lyrics to a song without it getting back to me on a radio interview. I throw my phone across the room and it hits the door and falls on the plush carpet. I feel the sea of sadness begin to surround me, it battles with anger and a bit of self doubt. Suddenly, the image of a bodacious girl makes her way into my vision. I imagine her sashaying over to him after his show, with eyes like a beautiful witch. Drunk with both liquor and lust, he gives in.

Trevon would never do that. He loves me. He would never disrespect me like that.

He's a man. What's love got to do with it?

Yea, but he would never give in. I reply to the evil voice in my head.

You gave in. She snaps back.

She silences me quickly. I lay my head back, my covers tickling the back of my neck. I want to cry but it requires too much and today was a long day. I already gave whatever I had in me to my fans and the parasite that is music.

I begin to doze off on the floor when my phone begins vibrating, what seems to be miles away. I crawl to it quickly and turn it over to a small horizontal crack. The crack doesn't matter when Trevon's name is printed on top of the screen. I answer as quickly  I  can, afraid that in an instant I will miss the time he's finally found for me.

"Hello." I say, my voice croaks.

"Hey." His voice sounds cold. "Did I wake you?" He asks but there is no care in his questions. No trace of empathy.

"No. Where have you been? I've been calling you nonstop for the past four days." I try not to sound badgering.

I hear him sigh.

"Been hearing niggas talking about how much they love you on the radio." He replies with distaste. "Been hearing that you're single-"

"I can't control what men say on the radio and you said we had to keep us  secret, didn't you Trev?" I am immediately awake and upset.