The Come Up

Chapter 26 - Rikers

I wake up at 6 AM and shower and put on acceptable clothes, I don't do my make up and I wrap my hair in a bun that sits right on top of my head. Pookie knocks at my door around 7 AM. He told me we would want to leave out early considering it takes 3 hours to get to Rikers Island.  I hated the sound of the correctional facility and I hated that it had a man that did nothing but try to protect me. A man so sweet and completely wasn't involved in any gang activity or delinquent behavior. I hated that Trevon was there when he didn't belong there. I spend a few minutes telling Trisha she doesn't need to come with me but she doesn't listen and so at minutes to 8 AM, we head out. 

Pookie seems to know the way by heart. I wondered how many times he had been there to visit. 

We take the A train by Bristol to Rockaway Av then transfer to the 4 train and get off at Bleecker St. From there we take the F train from Broadway- Lafayette to Queensbridge and then we walk for a few minutes to find the Limited Q100 bus to Rikers Island. We get there at 11:30 and I can feel that I am starving but I am too nervous to eat. 

We spent most of the ride there in silence, mostly because Trish and Pookie were asleep and I was focusing on not throwing up from anxiety. There isn't much special about the view of the place, maybe because of the reason I am here. 

Maybe on a more joyous occasion, the island is beautiful. Maybe when a loved one is being released after 25 years or something. Maybe circumstance was what made places beautiful. 

Trisha holds my hands as we walk into the facility and go through all the security checks. My hands shake as we sit down by a window like segment, separated by glass. The jail is dull, gray and depressing. It looks run down and melancholy. 

This was it. Soon this is where his face would be. I feel myself hyperventilating. I feel the cold sweat  on my forehead. Suddenly I am hot and my clothes are sticky. 

I take deep breaths in fail attempts to calm myself. 

The guard enters my view and he is holding a dark skinned male by the arm. 

"You have visitors." I heard the guard say. 

"Who, Pookie?" He questions. My calm exterior is broken by his voice. 

"Nah." I hear the guard respond. 

Trevon is now in my view and before the guard can lead him the entire way, to the seat behind the glass window, he freezes in his tracks. 

I look at him, my lips trembling, my mouth frozen open, I am not breathing. 

He looks at me, his face gaunt from the lack of food or his non-willingness to eat it. Eyes no longer bright and youthful. No love in them for me. 

His jaw clenches. 

The guard pushes him forward. 

"Sit down Wallace, I have other inmates to bring here." 

He remains frozen, despite the guards pushing. 

"I don't have any visitors. There's no one here  I want to see." He says tearing his eyes away from mine. Something in me breaks in half. It feels like my spine. 

And then it feels like my head. 

And then it feels like my teeth and shoulders and neck. The pain begins spreading throughout my body. I open my mouth to speak but I can only hear myself sobbing. I want to come out of my body, out of the pain and scream the words in my head. 

"Man, don't do that." Pookie's voice sounds far far away. So does Trish. Nothing sounds close to me now, I feel alone and disconnected into a million halves that have just cricked and cracked as they broke inside of me.