The Come Up

Chapter 32 - Thanksgiving evening

I am in love with a man in an orange jumpsuit 

I loved him before the garment was placed on his deep brown body

And I loved him before his deep brown body was placed into the grey dark cell 

And I loved him before resent and hate built up for me 

And I've always loved him more than myself 

I tell him that I wish I could give him more than myself 

And take on his troubles and more of his hell 

Because he doesn't deserve the fire up under him 

His body enclosed in orange, more so than before 

Burns so deep that recovery is unlikely 

That even if I was mineral water I wouldn't be able to heal him 

I still feel him under me at night

Only to wake up and realize it is just my brown sheets pressed into my thighs 

I cry and the tears are brown, reflecting my own skin 

But I pretend it's him caressing my cheek down to my chin 

I am still in love 

______________________________________________

There is a roar of noise around the dinner table and all I can see are bright smiles. Lips pulled back showing white teeth. The entire table is packed to each end with a different dish. I can't lie but I have been staring at the mashed potatoes on my right for so long that after Flex is done saying grace, I dive for it. 

Our entire kitchen smells of Thanksgiving and we never celebrated it because it was America's holiday, we celebrated it because it truly was a time where everyone could come together and eat good food and just be happy. 

I feel light. 

Light with love and happiness. The kind of light that makes you feel like it wouldn't be too bad if you died in this moment because you were so happy and at so much peace with everything around you. 

Yes. 

This feeling is because Trevon is finally speaking to me again. 

Is that so bad? 

"Look at her, she ain't even put nothing else on the plate yet n she eatin the mashed potatoes by themselves." Mama comments as if I can't hear. I give her a cheesy smile and begin adding the baked chicken with Trisha's gravy and some corn. 

Pookie was responsible for the corn cause he can't cook and the corn is still too hard. 

"Pookie all you had to do was put the corn in WATER for  A FEW MINUTES." I yell confused as to how he got this wrong. 

The table laughs and he shrugs at me as he bites into the barbecue ribs. 

As the conversation continues around the table I notice Trisha is intensely quiet. As if he read my mind Pookie stares at her and shakes his head then looks at me. 

"Yea she don't talk when she eatin. That's the only time." He quirks. 

I laugh and watch as Trisha dances as the food enters her mouth. Pookie is speaking to me normal again and I am even more grateful and light. Even if he is doing so in spite of the holiday. 

We have a few more people at the table than usual. Trevon's Mother and his little sister Patrice sit side by side and seem to be enjoying the food and conversation. I want to thank them sometimes for not being mad at me. They never once treated me bad or hated me despite what I did to Trevon.