"Thanks for letting me stay here... and for taking care of me last night," Nari says, making his presence known as he enters the kitchen. It was around 12:30 in the afternoon, and I was making myself lunch, almost forgetting that he was here. Almost.
"You know it's no problem. Want a samdwich?" I ask, placing the sandwich I had already made in front of him, grabbing a water bottle and an asprin for his hungover self.
"Nah, baby girl, you made this for you. I'll make myself one," he pushes the sandwich back toward me, but I walk away to make another one.
"Boy, this is my second time eating today. I can wait 5 minutes. Eat that sandwich and shut up. And make sure you call Kaz when you're done," I remind him, turning to leave.
"Ain't no boy over here Malinda, and I don't appreciate you telling me what to do. Let's remember who's older," he grabs my arm, putting the sandwich in my hand, before kissing my lips lightly, and walking towards the kitchen. Malinda? I stood there, shocked, red faced, with the damn sandwich still in my hand. Goddammit Shonari.
"That's wasn't fair and you fucking know it!" I accuse him, poking his sculpted chest, shoving the sandwich in his hand. I was about to tell him all the ways it wasn't fair, when his lips cover mine.
Fuck. Shit. What?
I was stunned, I didn't know what to do. I wanted this. Lord knows I wanted this, yet here I was, fucking stuck. Like I was some teenager who never had her first kiss.
Kiss him back! Imani's voice rang in my head. She was always rooting for my hoe activity. And for once, I listened.
Our lips moved together as of they were synchronized swimming. His large hands grip my neck, pulling me closer, his thumb tracing my cheekbone.
If I knew it would be like this, I would've kissed him a long time ago.
The kiss was sweet, slow, but the pressure of his lips on mine was anything but. It was yearning, lustful, needy, even. And then I knew, that I had fucked up. I pulled away quickly.
"No! Nonono, no! I'm know it's been awhile for you, but if I'm gonna be with you, I'm gonna be with you cause you're trying to be in a relationship, not just to get your dick wet!" I yell at him. He looks surprised as to me stopping so abruptly, just to yell at him.
My insecurities were showing their ass, and good God, do I wish they weren't. It was like word vomit, once I started I couldn't stop.
"I have been there for you through it all! The first and second time you got locked up! It was me there for you, me! I refuse to be some just-out-of-jail pussy for you, Shonari! I have fucking feelings for your dumbass! You're too damn dense to see it... and I'm too fucking stupid to let it go," I whisper the last part. My breathing erratic, tears flowing, and I'm sure I look a mess. I feel another panic attack setting in. Lightheaded, I try to correct my breathing, but crying isn't helping.
He stuck, still standing, as if I just told him I was Virgin Mary. What did I expect of him? What did I expect to happen once I opened the floodgates?
I'm such a fucking idiota. You've done it now, Malinda.
Still wrapped up in my own head, I barely notice him kneeling front of me. He's saying something, that I recognize, but I can't seem to bring myself to listen.
I don't want him to hurt me again.
His hands are on my face again, and my breathing slows slightly. His squinty brown eyes staring into my soul. The tears haven't stopped and I still don't know what the hell he's saying. But with his calloused hands cradling my skull, his eyes penetrating every wall I had built in his wake, all the feelings I ever had for this man unleashed themselves.
"Malinda, I'm trying to talk to you babygirl," His deep voice invades my out of body experience, and I focus in him, really focus.
Small freckles litter his clear caramel skin. And his voice stirs me back to reality.
"Huh?" Is the smartest thing I can manage at the moment. He chuckles, but it wasn't the same as the ones previously. It was more...emotional.
" I said let's get you straight and we can have an adult conversation instead of tiptoing around each other. There's obviously some things you need to get up off ya chest, and I do too," he helps me up off the floor, and I don't remember how I got there. All I could remember was how his lips felt on mine.
"I got it. Gimme like 5," I kinda snatch my hand from his, resenting the power he had over me, still after 10 years.
"If you're not down in 5 minutes, I'm coming to get you," His face straight, and his voice authoritive. I don't respond as I make my way toward the bathroom to clean myself up.
~~~
I took my time coming back into the living room. I wasn't exactly ready to have this conversation with him, but he was right. There's was some things I needed to get off my chest. He sat in one of the chairs by my bed, his muscular frame filling it with ease. He moved the rolley chair from my desk in front of him and directed me to sit down. I did as he instructed, avoiding his heated gaze.
"So, first things first, you good?" He reaches over to grab my hand, and I shyly move from him.
"I'm good, b. We really don't have to do this," I whine lowly, crossing my arms like a child.
"Obviously we do if every time I get within a 5 foot radius of you, you bust into tears," he eyes me, silently asking me 'wassup with that?'
"Shonari Micheal Freeman, I love you. Not, 'oh, you my big brother, I love you.' Like 'I wanna spend the rest of my life with you' love you. It's been like that for awhile. And I'm too old to play these little kid ass games," I explain, not once bringing myself to look at his chinky brown eyes.
