Destined

Reliving the Past (Part 3)

***Present***

Swigging my third beer, inebriation is far from my door. Fiddling with my fingers, I wait for Rick to get back from the Head so we can continue going down the path of rottenness and pain. As I watch the news on the tv over head, the reporter is explaining a new research that helps women have a higher chance of getting pregnant with the help of a new drug, Diorphorine X. Shaking my head, I chug the rest of my beer and set the mug down on the bar. Those things don't work. Even if Beth took it, she'd never get pregnant. It's a terrible thing. Most women look forward to pregnancy. The feeling of creating life and having a part of you and someone you love mixed into a new little angel for you to love and care for, is something just short of magical. It hurt when the doctor told us that she'd never have that in her life. The look on her face...I have nightmares about it every night. The pure pain in those bright blue eyes was a stab to the heart. I never wanted to see her that upset again.

"Hey man...oh...are you okay?" Looking at Rick beside me, I can feel a tear running down my face and I just stand up and toss a twenty on the bar and leave before Rick can say anything else. I leave him there and just walk down the street. I don't cry in front of people. I don't share my emotions with any one...or try not too. Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I head down to the bridge and stand on the sidewalk, looking down at the water below. "Hey!"

He comes closer and the night shadows me a bit. I just continue to look down into the water. Rick runs up to me and slows as he gets closer and stands beside me.

"Sorry... I just had to get out of there." I say blankly.

"Daryl, if you need to cry and be upset, that's okay. Holding it in isn't going to make the feelings go away."

"They NEVER go away!" I scream at him and he backs up a bit. Holding in a big breath, I close my eyes and let the breath out slowly. I shouldn't get angry at my best friend. I shouldn't get angry. "I'm sorry, Rick."

"It's okay."

"It's not okay. I'm not okay, Rick." I crumble in defeat. My body shakes and my body temperature rises. I'm going to explode. "I'm not okay."

"Why don't we go back to my place and we can make it okay, talk a lil bit and try to come to find an outlet for your feelings. Yer pent up." His hand is on my shoulder and I can feel his firm but gentle hand telling me it's time to tell him everything.

***

Tara and I have moved into the bunk room. Looking around, I remember this place with both pain and joy in my chest. As we sit on two couches, I take the glass of water she handed me and take a large sip. As she sits across from me, I feel a slight rush of angst in my stomach. After everything that happened the last few days, I can't help but worry about Daryl. I was mean to him...but he was worse to me. He's always worse. I shouldn't feel bad, I shouldn't, but I do. I always do. Even if it's never my fault, I feel bad about things I can't always control.

"So you were telling me about telling yer parents?"

"Yeah, they were pissed. I mean obviously, but even they weren't cold or too frustrated with me."

"Really? I would have been killed." Tara sips her Monster Energy Drink and sets it on the table as she crosses her one leg over the other.

"Well ya know how I told you that they were more mad at Shawn..."

"Yeah, what did he do?"

"Okay, so quick side story, my brother Shawn and I come from my mom and only I come from my dad. Shawn has a completely different father and is two years younger than Maggie. Maggie's mom died when she was born and for two and a half years it was just her and dad. Then my dad met my mom, found out about Shawn and was kind mad at my mom for not telling him about the baby until they were together for a few months. When Shawn was born, my Dad took him in and basically raised him as his own- not really knowing that my dad wasn't his. After about six years, my mom and dad got pregnant with me. Making Shawn 6 and Maggie 8."