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When I was young and wild, the complete opposite of the cute and innocent René, the little girl in class who was always shunned by the girls for always getting along well with the boys (only 'cause I have a strong kick in soccer), the child who always used to finish her lunch first, the child who always used to wake up last from nap time, I had come to realize how much I loved being the way I was. But there was also a part of me that hated what was inside me.
Sure, being wild had its own ups, and comes with it is its downs, such as girls complaining why I was always chosen to be a part of the boys team in a game of cops and robbers, and that it was always my intention to keep the boys to myself (which wasn't even true). And then there were times where the boys would complain on why the girls would fawn over me from time to time (which was somewhat true since my brother and I looked alike, which also meant that I was the wild version of René to them). But I didn't complain. All I did was snarkily reply with a very valid reason to shut them all up. Of course, that didn't stop anyone from not being my friend. Even if I were to be isolated or pushed away, I still had René with me to cheer me up.
So whatever way I acted, I was happy because of that.
But sometimes, I wish I could be really happy.
I wish I was at least a little... selfish. Tending to my own needs before fulfilling others.
I stared down with a grin at the two stuffed bunnies Maman had bought for us. One was a beautiful white, reminding me of freshly fallen snow that decorated the fields on the first day of Winter. The other was a dull brown, with a few spots here and there, which reminded me of... of... dirt? There wasn't anything special about it that I could connect to. All I could think about was the wonderful white bunny. How fluffy it was... How white and pretty it was... So many names to choose from! Snowy! Snowflake! Winter! Pearl! Cotton!
René stood next to me, his eyes sparkling as he stared at the stuffed bunnies with me. Just as we were about to pounce to grab one, Maman pulled her hands away with a chuckle, delight twinkling in her beautiful eyes.
"You are only allowed to choose one," she ordered to each of us, causing René and I to exchange a glance.
René turned back to face the two stuffed bunnies, desire for a specific one written in his eyes. And I knew what was in store for me as I hid my sadness.
I still remember...
I stood next to René, him holding a white stuffed bunny, while I held a brown one. We were in class, and it was time for our teacher to choose roles for the school play which was Sleeping Beauty, much to the boys' dismay. None of them wanted to kiss a girl, so it was decided that René and I were to be Sleeping Beauty and the prince who slays the dragon. Since we were siblings, we were fine by kissing each other on the cheek. Yes, 'cause children are too young to kiss each other's lips in front of a whole crowd of parents.
