All Bad

36. Crawl

If we crawl
Till we can walk again
Then we'll run
Until we're strong enough to jump
Then we'll fly
Until there is no winds
So let's crawl, crawl, crawl
Back to love...
- Crawl, Chris Brown

Cassie was already in the kitchen by the time I got up to make breakfast. I was still emotionally drained from the previous night, to the point that I had a massive headache.

I wasn't able to sleep comfortably at all. Justin had decided to stay the night and I found it difficult to relax with the worry that he would leave while I was sleeping weighing heavy on my mind.

He was so off with me all the time, it was difficult to predict his behavior; one minute we were kissing, the next we were fighting. It was crazy.

"You're not ready for work?" Cassie asked as I approached the counter she was leaning against.

I shook my head. "I texted Mariel, I'm not going in."

"Oh." She said with a raise of her brows, then filled her spoon with cereal from her bowl and pushed it into her mouth. I could tell she had something to say about it, but I was pleased that she opted not to. "Justin still here?"

"Yup." I nodded, leaning my back against the edge of the kitchen counter and exhaling. "Guess you heard us last night?"

"Uh huh." She responded through her mouthful of food.

"Sorry."

She shrugged. "De nada."

I stared off into space for a moment, lost in my own thoughts. What to do with a guy like Justin? Actually, there was nothing I could do since I didn't hold the cards. It was all on him. That was even worse.

"I hate seeing you like this, Brie." Cassie said. I glanced at her, noting the sympathetic expression on her face. "You're so gloomy and down these days. You're not you."

"Believe me, I hate feeling like this."

She reached out and rubbed my shoulder. I offered her a small smile in return.

"You know I'm always here if you want to talk, right?" She asked.

"Yeah, of course. Thank you."

"It's not 'of course', though. I can't remember the last time you and I had an actual conversation. We're meant to be best friends. We live together and barely talk."

I frowned a little.

"You just come in from work and stay locked in your room all the time." She continued. "We barely say hi and bye."

Cassie's voice was gentle but her words hit me hard. I quickly cast my mind back and tried to remember the last conversation that we had so that I could tell her she was wrong and that we did in fact speak, she was just overreacting. Problem was, I genuinely couldn't think of the last time I had said more than a couple words at a time to her.

"Umm, I don't know what to say." I told her awkwardly, raking my fingers through my hair.
She eyed me for a moment. I could see her looking at me from the corner of my eye as I stared straight ahead at the doorway.

"I don't know what to say, Cassie." I said with a nervous laugh as I glanced at her. I toyed with a strand of my hair, feeling extremely uncomfortable. "I'm sorry? I don't know. I just have been feeling a little off lately. I didn't mean for it to affect our friendship. I didn't think, I guess..." I bit my lip.

"Brie, you don't have to apologize, I'm just worried."

"Why?" I asked. "Don't be."

"You've dropped a lot of weight, you don't talk -"