Chapter 14

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I arrived at New York three days after i got the news. As soon as i landed, i went straight to Jake. He had prepared all the funeral arrangments and was waiting for me. Almost all of my family was present there.

"I think you should rest first. You look like crap" Jake said to me. But i shook my head. "Just, please take me to wherw she is." I muttered and threw my bag away. He lead me to where Gran was. I didnt want to believe that she was no more.

When we entered the room, i couldnt hold it in anymore and my eyes flowed freely. I saw her resting in a casket, her face was pale and her body lifeless. I couldn't keep my balance anymore and almost fell near the casket. Jake came to my side and quickly head me by my shoulders.

"Thats it buddy, calm down." He uttered in a gentle tone and rubbed my shoulders to relax me. I looked at him in surprise: Jake has always been hard and strict with me. But this was the first time that my big brother was being kind to me. He helped me sit near the casket.

With shaking hands, i took in Gran's delicate wrinkled hand. The warm hand that once passed lovingly over my head was now cold as ice. I brought her knuckles to my lips and kissed them. Jake left me there to spend my last moments with her.

"Hey beautiful," i started and tried to control my tears. "You look great not to mention your hair and .  .  .  , " i trailed away.

Scoffing, i squeezed my eyes shut and inhaled deeply. "Oh, who am i kidding?" I muttered in a broken tone and bowed my head low. "Im sorry Gran. I couldn't be here for you when you needed me the most. I'm so sorry that i turned out to be such a disappoinment. Gran, my life is already a wreck and without you it'll be in shambles. How can i keep on going without you?" I sobbed silently and held her hand tightly like my life depended on it.

"If only i hadn't left you alone, i would've spent as much time with you as i wanted." I cried without any reserve. Who cares if anyone saw me this way. The person who meant the world to me is gone.

"Why did you leave me so soon? I really need you Gran." I muttered, my voice breaking. I forwarded my hand and touched her cheek. "Oh Allah, why did you take her away from me so quickly?"

The last time i was this broken was when Grandpa had died. Gran wouldn't calm down so i had to be strong for her but now that she's gone, who's going to be there for me? Who's going to be my anchor? Who's going to be my family?

Amber's face flashed in my mind.

Her? No, she never owned me. She never gave me any importance. How am i suppose to live the rest of my life with a woman like her?

Don't ever think that you made a mistake because when I saw Amber, I knew that she was the right woman for you.

Gran's words echoed in my mind. The last advise that she gave me delivered that she was happy with my choice. And she wanted me to keep my marriage live and healthy.

I tried to smile but failed. Even at that moment, she only thought of me.

I dont know when i fell asleep. Jake woke me up and informed me that the funeral was about to commence. I nodded and retired to a restroom. Splashing water on my face, i saw my face in the mirror-- God, i was a mess.

I wore the black suit that jake got for me and willed myself into silent composure.

When i entered the funeral home, i saw many of my relatives rathered here. Even my parents were here but they ignored me like i wasn't even there.

Its fine. I don't mind their cold attitude. Im used to being ignored by them anyway. After the priest passed a prayer, i was called on the rostrum to offer Gran's eulogy. Surprised at the sudden call, jake ushered me towards the stage. I had no idea what to say. All eyes were on me. Even my parents were giving me a blank stare. I swallowed and started.

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