Patrick Stump and the Flying Car Brigade

Chapter 30

Chapter 30

New Year's Day came and went, and it was finally time for the new term to begin. Mum and Dad took me down to London once again, even as I complained that it would be shorter just to go straight to Hogwarts, and I took the Hogwarts Express back to school. Pete and I chatted all the way there, with a few of our friends occasionally joining in.

Once I arrived at Hogwarts, I went to Defence Against The Dark Arts, my first class of the day. As I entered the classroom, I saw that Gabe Saporta was wearing Shipping Goggles. "This is great!" he exclaimed. "I just love how you all are suddenly attracted to me!"

"I'm not attracted to you, Gabe," I said quietly as I sat down at my desk. "I have a boyfriend."

"I wanna see your animal side, Patrick," Gabe said, sliding into the desk next to mine. "Along with everyone else in the class, of course, with the exception of Brendon and Spencer. They're too busy kissing each other to pay attention to me."

"You're mad as rabbits, Gabe," Brendon said. "Spencer isn't even in the room."

"Hello Internet...uh, I mean class!" Professor Howell said. As usual, his wardrobe was the Dark Arts, and one of his hands was shoved into his pocket. "Gabe, please take off those Shipping Goggles."

Gabe groaned and reluctantly set the goggles on his desk. "This class just became way less exciting," Gabe said, looking around once again.

"What even is his sexual orientation?" Miss Jackson whispered to me. "I'm honestly not sure."

"I don't know," I said. "He said his celebrity crush was J-Law, but now it's Evan P, but I think it's really Professor Lester. Alternately, it's all just to hide that he's secretly a furry."

"I was asking about Gabe, not Professor Howell," Miss Jackson clarified.

"Gabe's omnisexual," I said.

"Don't you mean bisexual?" Miss Jackson asked.

"No, I mean omnisexual," I said. "He's attracted to anything and everything."

"That's true," Mikey added. "I heard that he once made out with the serpent portrait in the Slytherin Common Room."

"I would believe it," Miss Jackson said.

Professor Howell began to speak, and we all went quiet. "I hope that everyone had an excellent Christmas break, because I know that mine was lovely, but before you ask, this loveliness certainly has nothing to do with Professor Lester," he said. "Today, we will learn about non-verbal spells. To practice this, you will get into partners."

Miss Jackson and I immediately decided to be partners. Professor Howell gave us the instructions, and we began to practice. My job was to try to jinx Miss Jackson, but I had quite a bit of difficulty doing this. My mind began to wander, and eventually, I was just wondering what exactly had happened in Vegas. Thankfully, Brendon seemed to be thinking the same thing. He raised his hand and asked, "Professor Howell, what exactly did you do during Christmas break?"

"Professor McGonagall, Professor Lester, and I went to the Wizards' International Educational Nasty but Essential Rally," Professor Howell explained. "It's a conference for wizarding educators in Las Vegas, and it was rather dull. There were a lot of meetings, and that is all that we did. Nothing else."

"What did you really do there, Professor Howell?" Brendon asked. "You're not the type to sit around in meetings, and you were in the Vegas lights!"

"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, Brendon," Professor Howell said. "Get back to work."

Brendon sighed and went back to trying to jinx Ryan, but I couldn't stop thinking about what Professor Howell and Professor Lester must have done in Las Vegas. It was clear that the professor wasn't telling us the whole story.

Miss Jackson and I both struggled to cast our nonverbal spells, as did the rest of the class. Professor Howell ended class early, since we were all having so much trouble, and let us have some free time to study. He then ran into his office, leaving us alone together.

"Professor Howell's acting so strangely," Miss Jackson observed.

"Something must have happened in Las Vegas," I said. "Otherwise, he wouldn't be like this."

Class was finally dismissed, and I went off to Potions. Later in the day, I ran into Joe in the library. "I just got back from Transfiguration," he said. "Professor Lester has been acting so oddly today. I don't know what happened, but he was wearing Professor Howell's llama hat for some reason."

"Maybe he stole it?" I suggested, but then I promptly realised that Professor Lester was far too innocent for that.

"There has to be a better explanation, and I think it has to do with what happened over Christmas break," Joe said. "I think that they're wishing to be the friction in each other's jeans."

"That can't be right," I said. I had been falsely told one too many times that Professor Lester and Professor Howell were together to believe that, but there was no other explanation. Phan had to be real.