Ricky,
How to even start a letter like this. It's been five years. Five long and painful years without you. I know a part of me still hopes that you're not dead and that one day I will open my eyes and you will be sitting right next to me, your guitar sitting beside you and your wide eyed grin staring back at me. But a part of me knows also that you're never coming back to me and to everyone that loves you. A part of me knows that I will never, ever see your smile again. Never hear you sing to me in the moonlight and never see you dance and fall like a dandelion landing from a tall plant. I know that I wish that I could find a time travel machine and travel back and warn you not to get out of bed and to spend the day with me. Spend the day in each other's arms talking about how we wanted to get married and how we wanted to spend each day on a new adventure. I would still marry you in a heartbeat today if you were still here. You honestly were my rock and my stable place and when you slipped away, so did all my morals and also my grounding. I slipped up Rickster and I screwed up. I've messed up my life. I've been in jail for a crime so stupid that even my own brain told me how stupid it was and the downfall of it all. I've done drugs. I've come out as Bisexual to my conservative mother. I know that I sit here on the fifth anniversary of your death, I wonder what has become of me? Why am I doing all of this? I still needed you Ricky and honestly you were taken way too soon. You were supposed to be the person I could rely on. You were supposed to be the person that wouldn't stop loving me. You were mine. And I know that I can't do anything to bring that back and with each year coming and going, it reminds me that I never can have any of that. You are gone and so has the Kian I use to know. I hardly recognise myself anymore. I just can't understand who I am anymore. I just don't know how to anymore and to find the strength to anymore.
I honestly miss you with my whole heart and I want you back. I still wanted to marry you and I still love you with everything I have. I love you so much Ricky and I won't stop loving you until the day I die and I am sitting right next to you.
Kian"
I knew that as I finished the letter, the tears streaming down my face that I was lost and I had no idea how to find myself.
YOU ARE READING
Mistakes?- A Kevor Fan Fic
Fanfiction"When you try your best, but you don't succeed When you get what you want, but not what you need When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse And the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can't replace When...
