The Boss's Restricted Heart (Restricted Trilogy)

Chapter 17: One Month - Tuesday

Chapter 17

That night I went to sleep in a bed alone. Xavier said that he didn't think I was ready for that, no matter how much I begged him to stay. I should have begged harder. I was plauged by nightmares. Every time I went back to sleep they came back. The same thing over and over again.

Every night for a week this happened. I always woke up the next day more tired than I was the night before. Xavier always looked at me funny, but I knew he couldn't tell what was going on. My bruises were healing, but they were still enough to hide the tiredness in my eyes. I hated hiding him from this. I literally ached for his presence at night. Knowing he was so close, close enough to comfort me, yet he kept his distance. I knew he could save me from my demons.

Then one night after a long day of work-from-home and a walk in the park I went to bed. This time in the nightmare Xavier's mutilated body told me he loved me. I woke up screaming and crying. He came in my room quick as lightening. A scared look covered his face as he looked for danger. He was in nothing but a pair of boxers. When he saw it was just me he climbed into bed and held me as I bawled in his arms. He rocked us to sleep and just as I predicted he chased my demons away.

You would have thought that after that things would have gotten better. You were dead wrong. He became more distant after that. He stayed later at work and left early in the morning. He had secret meetings and phone calls. He would still sleep with me at night, though we didn't talk much during the day. He was hiding something. I gave him time to tell me. Three weeks actually. He still hasn't said a word.

I woke up this morning feeling like less of myself than I had a month ago. My stomach started growling immediately. I groggily went downstairs for breakfast, yawning and rubbing my eyes.

I had gotten better and was healing pretty fast. With some home therapy my limp was gone and my face was slowly turning back to normal.

I was surprised to see Xavier sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee. Usually he would be gone by now.

"Good morning." I said to him.

"Good morning." He responded distractedly.

I made myself a bowl of Frosted Flakes and sat in front of him on the island. I honestly don't know what's going on with him these days. He must be really stressed at work. I've been doing the best I can from here, but its probably not enough.

"Tamara...we need to talk." He said staring into his mug as if it had all the answers.

He called me Tamara. This was not gonna be a good conversation.

"Okay..."

"You-...you know how much I care about you right?" I nodded. "Good, because I really do. You mean so much to me..." He trailed off with a sad look on his face.

Oh no!

"Xavier, are you..." I couldn't even get the words out. They were stuck and I could feel my eyes watering. He couldn't be doing this to me. Not now.

He sighed and closed his eyes. He looked exhausted. Was I really that much? "I'm sorry, Tammy, but this isn't working anymore. I didn't wanna hurt you, but I can't..."

The tears were now pouring down my face. I was trying to hold back sobs as my body felt more pain than it did over a month ago.

"What is it, Xavier? What do I need to do? Do we need to have sex? We can do it right now. Is it cause I'm a burden to you now? Cause I can go stay somewhere else. Is that it?! Just tell me what to do please."

"No, Tammy, shit!" He rubbed his hands down his face. "I can't have sex with you after what happened. That's not the problem. We just...need some space."