Still Water

Chapter 8

It's been two years since Mrs. Lester took me in. She has been kind to me since I've gotten here. I stay in what used to be their guest room, but it feels like home to me.

On Wednesdays, like today, I go to meet with my therapist. Mrs. Lester, along with medical professionals, thought i should meet weekly with a therapist to help with my "PTSD from losing my mom" as Mrs. Lester says.

It's not far from my school, so I just walk there, and Mrs.lester picks me up with im done with my scheduled appointment.

"This week, Phil, I was thinking we could revisit the topic of your imaginary friend, Dan" Mr. Moore, my therapist says. I nod.

"Right, um, could you remind me of what he looks like?" Mr. Moore asks. Every time Dan is brought up he asks this question.

"He's my height, he has hair exactly like mine, same length, and style, going the same way, but his is brown. And he has blue- no. Green eyes? And a dimple on either side of his face. And he likes the color black, and wears it often." I tell Mr. Moore, but it doesn't seem right. Can't picture him clearly.

Mr. Moore nods and smiles.

"No, wait. I'm wrong, he um, um, he liked red, not black. He always wears red. No! That's not right. He does like black but his eyes are brown? Yeah, yeah brown eyes." I stumbled trying to match up the right answers.

"Phil, you told me his hair goes the other way, he has brown eyes, one dimple, and likes black. Are you having trouble seeing him now?" He asks me, scribbling patterns into the paper in front of him. I nod to answer his question. He was right, something about dan seemed so distant.

And to think, I used to be so convinced he was real.

"It seems your just moving on from Dan. That's a good thing. It seems you made dan up when you lost your mom and so dan was your coping method. Now you've found stability in your home life, and you subconsciously decided you didn't need the support that dan provided, and now he's slowly disappearing." He said. I keep nodding, but i dont understand completely.

"It's okay, I don't expect you to understand, you're only 9, but you'll understand one day." He smiles at me.

"Last night, I had a weird dream. I was in a world like this one, but not. There were small ball of fire in the sky, but no one seemed scared of them. They were like the sun, but a lot smaller, and only there at night. Dan was there, but he was all blurry. In fact it was all blurry, except i was running off a dock and slipped. I fell into the water. I seemed very familiar." I told him, looking down, "what do you think it means?"

"Well falling into the water is probably significant to the fact you have a fear of large bodies of water. If fact, the whole dream, i believe is reoccurring, explaining the familiarity. You use to tell me about similar dreams, and I'd assume it's where your fear originated. Sometimes PTSD can distribute fear in odd ways like seeping into your dreams and causing a phobia of something. But again, i dont expect you to seriously understand." Mr. Moore explained, and smiled at me.

We tried talking more about my like before I was 7, but I don't remember it that well. Mr. Moore says it's the PTSD.

PTSD, those four words seem to define my whole life, but I barely even understand them.

I wish I was normal.

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Hellloooo ladies, gentlemen, and beyond. How is everybody doing today?

Exciting new, tomorrow i will upload the first chapter of my brand new co- written story called "Two of a kind" and im super excited, so look out for that!

Love ya!

-madi