Nicotine Hearts || (In Editing)

Insight #4

•Silas• (Age 10)

It had been two years, yet it hurt like it was two seconds ago.
They said she wasn't looking when she ran into the road, that the driver wasn't looking where he was going.

That is wasn't anyone's fault.
It was just a matter of timing.

I refused to accept that. Two years ago, my little sister was ripped out of my life and as a consequence I was left completely empty.

After the flood of tears came the deep, enveloping river of depression. Dad would hardly come home from business trips and mum cried herself to sleep every night. My parents had been replaced with empty robot shells.

But still, I tried to cope with the agony of my loss, for their sake. I was their last remaining child, even if I wished I had died in Maddie's place. I had to face reality.

I wanted to break so bad but I knew that I mustn't. I had to be strong for my family before it completely ceased to exist.

---

•Silas• (Age 18)

I stared down at the floor in shock, trembling with a sudden shock of fear.

"Can you repeat that doctor?"

She sighed, like it upset her that this was her job.

"I'm afraid you have serious liver complications Mr Ashford, possibly terminal."

I shook my head in denial. This couldn't be happening... could it?

I'd stop drinking and smoking, I promised myself I would. I only did it to help with the pain... the pain of losing Maddie. Once I had started I never stopped.

Now it was too late.

I felt angry. I leaped off the bed and marched out of the room, ignoring the doctors calls behind me.

My head hurt and my chest felt tight. I had to keep moving or else I would be left with my thoughts.

My wandering somehow led me to the old black steps near my school. I leaned against the wall and breathed deeply... and then I punched it.

Again and again and again. "Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck!" I cried pathetically.

I stayed there in self pity for a while until my head started to hurt again.

"Fuck it." I grunted, I grabbed my cigarette packet and placed a stick between my lips before igniting and inhaling the toxic gas released.

It was from that day I started going home less and less. I didn't want my parents to find out, to have to deal with losing another child. I couldn't do that to them without hating myself. I couldn't be that selfish.

I didn't know where I'd go, I was so lost.
But then she found me.

She came walking out of the school with her innocent eyes and kind smile. I think I made her nervous at first.

"Aspyn." She said her name was, and I smiled internally at the way it sounded. Like the name of a fairy.

When I asked what her purpose for joining me in truanting was she confessed she felt sick. That made two of us.

I smiled, not knowing I was looking at my saviour and holding out my cigarette packet to her despite her shocked expression.

"Here, it'll make you feel better."

Authors Note:
It's seems we've kind of come full circle with this insight ??? So idk, I suppose I could write more but I'm not sure if anyone actually wants that.
Incase you don't understand. Silas's little sister died in a car accident, after that his parents were kind of void so he took the responsibility of family upon himself. He drank to deal with the pain, So when he found out he was sick he hid it from his parents and that is why he was hardly ever home and at the cinema a lot with Aspyn.
Eventually he breaks up with her before his illness gets worse but later he turns to Aspyn for help when he's admitted to hospital for liver failure. Hope that clears everything up (:
- Mini xx