» Observations || Viktor Nikiforov

10. Monsters Stuck in Your Head

10. Monsters Stuck in Your Head

❝ Monsters don't sleep under your bed, they sleep inside your head. ❞

"He is not really relaxed is he" I look at Victor, he seems lost in thought.

"No, he is doubting himself, how do I help him"

"Make him focus on something other than his skating or the other competitors!"

"I will try" He gets up and takes Yuri with him, to I don't know where really.

I watch the other competitors while Yuri and Victor are still absent. I have to say that out of all of them Chris is the best of them, he has the most experience and seems most at ease on the ice. He was way better in his free program than he was in his short program.

Phichit has the highest spirit and drive out of all of them, yet he lacks the technique when it comes to his step sequence. It is a tragedy really, if only his coach would see that his strong suit is in the jumps, not the ground work.

Just before it is Yuri's turn he and Victor resurface. It seems like Yuri cried, but I hope he got the worries of his chest. He gets on the ice and I can see the deep breath he is taking.

The music starts and he starts really well. The jumps are good so far. He does have some flaws and over rotated one of his jumps, but the triple Lutz triple toe loop combination is flawless.

His stamina is one of the best, even better than Victor's. The step sequence is beautiful, this really is Yuri's strong suit and he finishes it perfectly. Now for the last jump they planned a quadruple toe loop, but when he goes into the jump I see that it's not a toe loop, it's a flip.

While he nearly falls it is unbelievable that even this far into his program he is doing a quadruple flip. It is way harder than the toe loop and my mouth has slightly fallen open. Yuri really made a show out of it, it's as if he wants to prove that he deserves Victor as a coach.

"Yuri" I scream and start applauding him, even though his performance was not flawless he was by far the most inspiring skater out there. Victor runs towards the ice and catches Yuri in an embrace and they tumble to the ground.

They get off the ice smiling from ear to ear as they wait for the results. Yuri was the last skater so after this the results are fixed. Yuri's score is a little too low to beat Phichit who takes his very first gold, yet he keeps Chris in check and when we get back to Japan we will be taking back a silver medal.

"You were really inspiring out their Yuri" I pat him on the back as we get to the airport. After a long series of interviews we got to pack up quickly and rushed towards the airport. We were just in time to catch our plane.

"Thanks Em, you really think so?"

"Yes really, while Phichit has his jumps down, Chris has the flair, you are the most interesting to watch. You simply don't know what to expect! That flip was a bit of a surprise"

We get through the airport security and get on our plane. We are all pretty tired and Yuri is asleep the moment he is seated.

"Wow I am guessing he needed the sleep, I wonder if he even slept last night" I look at Yuri who is sound asleep.

"I think he slept even less than you did and that is saying something" Victor chuckles

"Hey!" I slap him on the arm and laugh.

"Well I am going to sleep, you should sleep to, just wake me when something is going on"

After this we both fall asleep pretty soon, I have no dreams nor nightmares and when I awake we are about to land. We quickly get out of the airport and when we get to Yu-topia everyone is waiting for Yuri's return.

Hiroko made Pork cutlet bowls and this once Victor allows Yuri to have one. He is even happier than he was before. The hours fly by and everyone is happy with Yuri's achievement.

Before we know it it's midnight and people start to go home and go to bed. I excuse myself and go up to my room as well. I have been ignoring this ache in my chest for too long now and when I am in my room alone the hurt kicks in.

Two years ago I lost the most important people in my life. I am so scared of sleeping that for a long while I sit there staring out the window. The stars shine as bright as they usually do and I think of my mum.

Her laugh will forever be frozen within my memories. I have her eyes, the pine green colour and the shape are identical to hers. My nose and mouth are my father's, but every single time I look into the mirror and I see my eyes, I see her.

I twist the ring on my finger and stare at the ruby, rubies were her favourite because they reminded her of fire. She was fire, she was fierce and nothing in the world could stop her when she had set her mind on something. I got her perseverance and I got my father's strong mind and his stubbornness to.

I undress and around 2 am I get to bed. I close my eyes and know that tonight will be a long night. During the night I awake multiple times sweating and crying, but I stay put. I need to endure this alone.

The nightmares are usually bad, but on this night the nightmares are incontrollable. Around 7:30 I get out of bed. If I had an hour of sleep that would be a lot. And saying I am tired would be an understatement

The resort is filled with people and when I get to the dining room everyone is practically beaming.

I sit down gently and not soon after both Victor and Yuri follow. "Victor what time do we start training" Yuri asks.

"We will only do some running today, today is a good day" He too is way too happy. I keep quiet and enjoy my eggs.

"Why are you so cheerful Nikiforov" Mari walks in and sets down a plate filled with eggs for the both of them.

"I won my first Grand Prix a long time ago on this exact day"

"oh right, the Grand Prix was way earlier in the year until last year" Yuri remembers.

Soon after they start talking about combinations and when I am done with my eggs I once again excuse myself. I quickly grab my coat, scarf and gloves from my room and make my way towards the temple. I climb the steps in silence and sit down at the edge.

Even though I have been here a lot of times over the last couple of months the sight still hasn't bored me, it probably never will. I just want to sit here and wallow in self-pity.

When you grow older you start to realize that the true monsters are not under your bed, they creep up on you and take a room inside your mind. They live in your brain and once in a while they are stronger than you are. Today is one of those days, where the monster holds the reins and no matter how hard you fight the leashes, you are locked in your own brain.

After 2 years it still hurts as much as the day I lost them, but one thing I know for certain is that no matter how strong the monsters become this time I won't have to fight them alone.

Only 3, including this one before we get to the Christmas chapter! This means that there will be 2 chapters either today or tomorrow!