» Observations || Viktor Nikiforov

32. Same Old Love

32. Same Old Love

❝ You left in peace, left me in pieces. ❞

Em, you at the resort yet? I am going there now.

Em? You left before I did right? Are you okay?

Zvezda, where are you?

Ember! Where are you, we are about to start eating.

Em! We are searching for you, please be okay!

Where are your clothes? Did you leave?

Em please tell me you didn't just leave! Why? Where did you go?

EMBER WHERE ARE YOU?

A tear rolls down my face, why would he send texts like these when he doesn't care? Maybe he just cares about his image?

Em I am going insane, please come back.

Ember Makkachin misses you just as much as I do, no scratch that I miss you way more. Hiroko is really worried please tell me you are okay.

For a long while there are no messages, this one was send about 3 hours ago and was the very last one. I stare at the wall and imagine what must go through their minds now. I bet Hiroko is worried. My phone buzzes once again and I glance at the screen. It's another one from Victor.

Ember, I have no idea why you left, why you left us. We miss you all of us do. Please tell me everything is okay. We miss you, I miss you!

I take a deep breath, I guess they must be worried, I owe it to them to tell them why I left. Well sort of. I am not admitting to getting my heart broken and I won't talk to Victor, it would hurt too much.

So I decide on Yuri, I open a message and for a few minutes I stare down at the screen not knowing what it is I want to tell them. Then I start typing.

Hey everyone, I just...

No scratch that, I start again.

I am so sorry I left like that, I did not mean to worry you. I am so sorry for not saying goodbye to all of you, but I had a plane to catch. I needed to get back and get my life back on track. I hope I haven't worried you too much, I am completely fine. I enjoyed my time with you and I will miss you all dearly. I wish all of you the best!

Oh and Yuri, knock them dead I know you can.

Ember

My hands are shaking as I press send and I put away my phone, I don't want to know what they will respond, they will probably be really angry or upset and that makes me sad. I guess I am a little self-centred, but my heart can't handle more than it's share.

I get up and take my bag, I had taken my skates, the ones I got from Yuko. Lucky for me I had taken them to the resort when Celeste arrived so it was fairly easy to take them with me. I start looking for the route to the rink. Sirra was right about the route, because after a 5 minute walk I get there. When I go inside I have a small conversation with the owner and he allows me to skate.

Walking into the locker room I see that everything is empty and I am glad of the silence. I tie my laces and walk towards the ice. Once again I plug in my earplugs and I go around the ice, I just need to forget even if it's just for a little while.

For a long time I go around the rink, but I can't seem to get my mind to shut down. Every song, every move reminds me of Japan. I settle on some jumps and they all fails miserably. I lose count of the amount of times I connect with the ice and when I fall once more I just keep down.

I think back of Alan and what he used to tell me. If you fall just get up and try again.

"Easier sad that done old friend" I mutter to myself and sit up, For a long time I just sit on the cold hard ice. The door opens and I look up. I see a man heading towards the ice and he seems vaguely familiar.

"Ember Aguirre" the man says, even his voice seems familiar. "Oh Missy, what have you done to yourself"

"Alan?!" I get up and skate to the edge of the rink, a little soar. Now that I am getting closer I recognize his face.

"Missy" he greats me and he gives me a big hug.

"Alan, what are you doing here?" I ask him

"Sirra called me, and because I was in Amsterdam I thought I'd pay a visit"

I am flabbergasted, if there is one thing I had not expected it was this. It had been two years since I saw Alan and besides the fact that his hair turned into a brown greyish colour he had not changed at all.

"Now tell me Missy, what have you been up to the last two years?"

For a really long time we sit there talking about what we had been up to. He had been coaching some new skaters, but while they had potential they were nothing special, his words not mine.

I tell him about Japan, again leaving out almost everything about Victor. He is listening intently the way only he can.

"So you met skating legend Victor Nikiforov"

"Yes, yes I did" I pause "he was so friendly, he really became a good friend" I nearly choke on the word friend and he seems to notice it.

"Friend huh" he knows me better than anyone else, maybe even better than Sirra "with your looks I bet he couldn't take his eyes of you"

I chuckle "More like vice versa" Alan joins in and for a moment we just sit there laughing.

"Well, I need to leave! We will keep in touch" He stands up and I leave with him, making my way back to Sirra's place. She is already back when I arrive and she had made dinner, we talk about nothing important and soon after I go up to my room. I am exhausted.

I check my phone and see one new message from Yuri. Again my hands shiver as I open the message and my heart aches.

Dear Ember,

I am speaking from everyone when I tell you this, you will always be part of our family. No matter what the reason is why you left so abruptly we don't hold it against you, but we will miss you! We hope you will get your life back on track. We love you.

I once again find myself crying, stupid fragile heart. I lay down on my bed and stare at the picture of Victor and I. I hadn't changed it and I didn't want to. I miss him.

That night the nightmares return, I wake up screaming and panting multiple times. When I wake up in the morning I just feel more exhausted than I already did. The hours merge into days and the days merge into weeks. Weeks pass and I continue skating. The nightmares are always there, but they have changed, I dream of drowning. Drowning in the deepest of oceans.

Good morning! Sorry I left you guess hanging, but here is the next chapter! I hope you like it! You all got to meet Alan!

Xx Es