Scars That Heal (Dramione Fanfiction) [COMPLETE]

15 - Calming A Storm

Hermione felt drained following the Support Session. It was as though a massive weight had been lifted off her shoulders after carrying it for so long; in fact, her knees almost buckled as she went down to supper and sat by herself. When Ginny came over to speak with her, she asked if she could have some space.

"I just need a little time to relax after worrying for so long about that," she explained. Ginny nodded, and told the others not to bother her. Hermione felt like she was being discourteous, snubbing her friends to eat by herself. She started to feel bad about leaving them, but she just wanted to readjust to normal life after being so anxious. After the meal, she went back up to the Common Room and did some impending homework. She had been thinking about so many other things that she was starting to get behind on her school work, but Hermione worked tirelessly and got three projects done that very evening.

But it was only as she closed her Potions textbook that she noticed the Common Room was empty, and the clock on the wall told her it was nearly eleven o'clock. She hastily packed her bag, and went to her dormitory. All her dorm-mates were fast asleep as far as she could tell, and she changed as quietly as she could. Slipping into bed, Hermione could feel her stomach growling with nausea from her fears. She could tell it was going to be a long night. Slipping into light sleep, Hermione's dream came back, more feverish than ever.

Sudden lightning, flashing on a blade that dances like static, faces swimming as laughter echoes around. Blood trails become psychedelic swirls that twist and writhe against the light, and the pain crawls like ants across a prone body. Words that sound like screams, along with mad, mad laughter, twisting and making her fall fast...

Hermione came to without the jolt, but like she had been coaxed into waking by a gradual change in light. Her curtains were still drawn around her bed, and it was still night, but she felt like she had been disturbed by something physical. All the same, her haunting dream wouldn't leave her so she automatically went to the Tower. Her legs felt heavy and wooden, but her head was light and dizzy. Everything seemed disconnected and unreal, but the swooping of her stomach and the balloon-like quality to her head made sure she couldn't leave. She stumbled as she climbed up through the trapdoor, and saw Malfoy in there, reading again.

"Granger? What's wrong?"

"T-The dream c-came back," she said, struggling to speak as she was shivering. "I-I-I don't know what's wrong w-with me, though. I feel really..."

"Panicky?" Malfoy finished her sentence. He slotted his bookmark in and walked over to Hermione. She was bent forwards, holding her elbows and looking at the floor. He got her to sit down, and with her help he used the Aguamenti charm to fill a cup with water. Hermione sat all bunched up, sipping the water and breathing heavily. "Right. Granger, I think you are having a panic attack."

"What? I d-don't get panic a-attacks though," she stammered, holding the cup with shaking hands.

"Well, clearly you do. I'll try my best to help, but I only know this stuff from what you said at the Support Session and from those books you left behind. OK, Granger. Sit still and try to breathe normally. In... and out. In... and out." He did this, and Hermione focused on his face. She watched the thin white hairs falling over his forehead, and the vein on his temple that was moving with his actions. She breathed in sync with him, and tried to keep herself more still.

"OK... Well done, you're doing really well.  Is it this place that's triggering it? Do you want to go somewhere else?" Hermione shook her head. "OK. Do you want me to get someone else, because I know I'm probably the last person you want with you while you're panicking--"

"N-no, Malfoy, stay."

"...Oh, erm, OK." Malfoy was taken aback. "Is there anything you want? A book? Something to eat? Oh, Merlin, I have no idea what I'm doing. Let me know if you'd like something. Is there anything I can do to help? Something I can distract you with?" He was watching her intently, trying to work out if he was helping or just making things worse. Hermione's breathing was shaky but a lot slower, and she was no longer shivering as badly.

"Can you read something to me? It h-helped last time," she asked. Malfoy was surprised that she wanted him to read again, but he picked up his book and started from the beginning. He glanced up from time to time to check she was OK, and saw that she was looking more comfortable already. His confidence grew, and he continued until Hermione said she felt better. Malfoy put the book down and looked at her.

Hermione's face was clearer, and she had entirely stopped shaking. She gave him a grateful smile, as he asked her how she felt.

"I feel better. Thank-you."

"You've done the same for me. I had to." he replied. It sounded ungrateful, but he told himself there was no kinder reason behind his actions.

"You didn't have to, though. You chose to help me, Malfoy. So for whatever ulterior motive you've got going on, thank you for helping me. I'm just sorry I overreacted the way I did." Hermione said, feeling embarrassed that Malfoy saw her at her weakest again.

"That wasn't an overreaction, Granger." Malfoy said, looking at her with sincerity. "I was reading those Muggle books you left at the Support Session. Panic attacks are when a person's body doesn't know how to cope with something in their head - it's a sign of the body's strength in trying to cope. You aren't weak, and it wasn't something you had any control over. You aren't weak."

Hermione didn't know how to respond. She looked away, and fiddled with the hem of her shirt. Something occurred to her as she sat there, pretending not to think.

"How did you get my psychology books? I keep them in my dorm."

"You left them in the classroom after the Support Group. I'd gone back because I thought I'd forgotten something. I hadn't, but I saw them on the floor and knew they were the books you'd been talking about. I thought they might explain... I... I thought they'd tell me why I get the urge to self-harm. I'd only meant to read the section on that, but it was so interesting I read onto the other parts about PTSD and stuff. It had a whole chapter on panic attacks; what they are, how they happen, why they happen and how to deal with them."

Hermione was surprised. She had never thought that Muggle-hating Malfoy would be interested in a Mudblood's education. And she was even more surprised that he was expressing an interest in something that wasn't hateful. Then she reprimanded herself for being judgemental. He's changed, she told herself, and he's making an effort to put things right. Be kind.

"Well, I'm grateful you "borrowed" them, anyway. You really helped," she said. "You can properly borrow them for a while, if you'd like to read more," she offered.

"No, I was just interested at the time," Malfoy said, sitting back down more comfortably. "You're all OK now?"

"All fine. Thank you, again." she said, smiling.

Malfoy was going to say something to rationalise him helping her, something beyond him wanting to be there for her, but instead just said,

"You're welcome."