Scars That Heal (Dramione Fanfiction) [COMPLETE]

36 - Updraft

*Trigger Warning - Mentions of Suicide*

By the following week, Hermione had resigned herself in her mind to the restarting of the Support Sessions. There hadn't been one in a month as her immediate group of friends had still been reeling from the aftermath of Hermione's attempt. But now she was ready to face the younger students. Previously, she had been scared by what they might say; Hermione knew they would want to know why the meetings had stopped, and knew they would want to hear about all that had gone through her mind after she told them. This terrified her. Hermione was braver now, though, and stronger. She had to face the fact that she had tried to kill herself, and others wanted to know.

The morning of the meeting, Hermione woke up to the same depressed feeling she normally had. It was like having a cold soup in her stomach, sitting heavy and sodden inside her. Her mind wasn't fresh or rejuvenated, but instead felt filled with cotton wool and soil. I can't do this, was Hermione's instant thought. I'm not ready. How could I possibly think that I was prepared? There's no way I can cope with them and their reactions. I can't do it.

Hermione shifted onto her side, and pushed her tangle of hair off her eyes. Her hands were clammy and covered in drying sweat. Her limbs were heavy and tired, and she felt it was another reason to give up. There was no use.

She tried to think of good reasons to get up. Maybe it would make her feel better to talk about her attempt? Maybe it would help the others to realise there were so many reasons to live? But right now she didn't believe the advice much herself. Hermione turfed off the covers and sat up, trying to persuade herself to get ready. The meeting wouldn't be until the evening anyway, so she had time to get used to the idea and mull over what she would say.

What could she say? There wasn't much that could be said about something like that. How could she try to portray herself as a rolemodel and someone who could help others if she couldn't even take care of herself? Maybe that was something she could say, though. That we need to be able to care for ourselves as much as others, but that often it's harder to translate that concern into self-care.

Hermione got up, and brushed hair. Then she dressed and cleaned her teeth. She needed to do something to make herself feel more confident. So she slipped across the dormitory and took Ginny's tube of mascara. It was unpracticed and slightly clumped, but the weight of her eyelashes made Hermione look older and more professional; at least, that's how it made her feel.

She put on her shoes, finally, and went downstairs for breakfast. Hermione was down a little later than normal, and the others were already eating and talking. Luna was busy doodling on the Daily Prophet again, and Draco was helping Dean finish some Muggle Studies homework as Ginny sketched Quidditch positions onto parchment for Seamus, randomly butting in with help for Dean.

"Morning," Hermione said, sliding onto the bench alongside Draco and smiling as he kissed her.

"How are things?" he asked, passing her some toast.

"Worried. About the Support Session today," she admitted.

"Anything I can help with, or do I just need to remind you that you're wonderful and I'm sure it will go better than you thought it would?" he offered. Hermione chuckled at that.

"No, I'm fine, I'm probably just overthinking things as per normal," she sighed, buttering her toast.

"Well, don't forget that people come to the Support Sessions because they trust you and your advice. They come for you, Hermione. You'll do fine. And we'll all be there, so we can help you out if you really can't cope." Draco smiled and gave her a one-armed hug. "You're great, Hermione."