Scars That Heal (Dramione Fanfiction) [COMPLETE]

46 - Ticking Hands

*Trigger Warning - Discussion of Self-Harm Scars*

The exams drained Hermione a lot. They weren't too difficult - which was both reassuring and worrying - but the effort it took to make sure she was fully prepared each day for her exam was ever increasing. The fact that she hadn't struggled with her exams made Hermione wonder if she really knew exactly what she was writing about, or if she had completely misinterpreted the questions. Her friends sympathised, and they had all agreed in the end that there was no point in them dwelling on it, as the papers in question were over and done with and they couldn't change it at this point.

The real effort was in mentally preparing herself. Hermione needed to check through her notes a dozen times each night before the exam before she was satisfied she had really covered everything. And if Ginny mentioned a section she wasn't entirely sure she had revised, Hermione would revisit her entire folder of notes until she was certain she would remember it come the next day.

Hermione was feeling down a lot of the time. The constant feeling that she could be doing more plagued every moment she wasn't cramming her brain, and even when she was ,Hermione felt like it wasn't sticking. It was having an effect on her mood, and she regularly felt... not depressed, but not just sad either. She felt flattened.

The weekend after her first full week of exams was, in Hermione's mind, going to be spent revising heavily for the upcoming tests the following Monday. But her friends wanted to take a break, and they knew as well as she did that they all needed it.

"Come on," Seamus begged, "It's worth spending a bit of time relaxing, isn't it? And we all deserve it after all our revision."

"I agree, but we can't afford to slack off now," Hermione replied. "It would be terrible if we failed the things coming up next week because we couldn't use our time this weekend properly."

"We're not slacking, we're taking time for ourselves - which is healthy," Draco pointed out. "Please, Hermione. There's a Hogsmeade day on Sunday, so we can go shopping in the morning, get some lunch and then come back to school in time for some afternoon revision if you really can't bear not to."

Hermione sighed. Everyone was looking at her expectantly. She didn't want to be the person who spoiled it for them, so she relented. Her stomach sank a little, and a small bubble of panic rose inside her, but Hermione knew deep down that she needed to take some time for herself as well. She didn't want to admit it, but she could feel herself sinking into another episode of sadness and was scared that it could become something bigger. All she had to do was work, work, work, until her exams were over and then she'd never have another piece of schoolwork ever again. But it wasn't that easy, and Hermione couldn't let herself fall through again.

On the Saturday she took her books down to the Lake, alone, and worked as hard as she could all morning until her mind was numb with all the facts and figures and formulae she had forced it to focus on. Hermione went up to the Great Hall for lunch, then left all her work back in her dorm. She was determined to make herself forget about it for a moment so that she could remember what it was like to feel free.

The rest of the day Hermione spent with her friends. They were all trying to take a break from revision, so were steering all conversation away from exams. Whenever anyone mentioned anything vaguely pertaining to lessons, or subjects, someone would loudly announce, "SO! Has anyone seen the Quidditch results?" and everyone would laugh and focus on something else. It was the kind of running joke that anyone else would have found entirely ridiculous, but to them it was hysterical.

Time went quickly, and soon they were being shooed out of the Great Hall as it was such a nice day. They all went down to the Lake again, and it was discovered that Ginny had a mini Quidditch set in her bag.