Scars That Heal (Dramione Fanfiction) [COMPLETE]

26 - Leap Of Faith

*Trigger Warning - References to Suicide*

Draco Malfoy was very unsure about a lot of things, but Hermione Granger was not one of them. He knew exactly how he felt for her; he loved her. It wasn't something that had happened all at once, but something that slipped into his actions one day and warmed him entirely. He wanted nothing more than for Hermione to be happy, although preferably happy with him. It made Draco's day to see her smile, particularly if he knew the reason was him. But there was no chance he could do something: she trusted him, as a friend, and if he did something to compromise that trust then for all he knew she may never speak to him again. He could no longer be there for her.

So it was a huge surprise when Hermione had kissed him. Just like that - no warning, no hint that she might, just her lips against his. And he loved it.

But in that moment of surprise, he had reacted instinctively. He never intended to kiss her that night; heck, Draco didn't know if he'd ever manage to otherwise. So he had pushed her away, when she was vulnerable, and she had run away. Merlin, he felt awful. She was in such a bad place, he knew, and doing that must have crushed her hopes. He still didn't really feel the urgency, though - Hermione Granger had kissed him!

Draco knew he'd have to go and find her. She would be upset, and he wanted to let her know that he shared her feelings, and it had just been a bit of a surprise. But where would she be?

She hadn't mentioned anywhere she had been meaning to go, she's just talked a lot about death. To be honest, she normally didn't talk about where she would go, just talk about things that concerned her. Oh. She had been talking a lot about death. She had been talking a lot about death. And Hermione had been very isolated since her father's death. Something was off; she definitely wasn't alright. As much as he was a worrier, Draco had to accept that right now she was probably just embarrassed. But his hyperactive imagination started imagining Hermione impaling herself on a sword, or her heart breaking in two as she wept like a damsel in distress. That wasn't realistic, he had to tell himself. She didn't care that much about him, obviously, and it had been a spur-of-the-moment reaction. He couldn't be the knight in shining armour, even if he wanted to be for her.

Or was it realistic? Was she going to hurt herself, or worse? Could he really have driven her to it by not reciprocating in that moment of shock? Draco remembered back to what he had read in her Muggle psychology books; often people didn't commit suicide from one big thing, but lots of little ones followed by something that tipped them over the edge. Suicidal people only needed one more reason they wouldn't be missed, and it would all be over.

Draco's stomach churned and boiled. Hermione wouldn't. She was too sensible, and smart, to ever think she should make that decision. But she wasn't. Draco had seen how vulnerable she could be, and how lost she really was inside. Maybe this was all his overactive mind, but what if it wasn't? What if it was down to him? He needed to save her. But he didn't know if he was strong enough. It had killed him to see her so devastated at the hospital, and he didn't know if he could cope. He had to go and find someone else to save her-- but there wasn't any time for him to search out Ginny, or Luna, or someone else. Draco had to do it himself.

Draco ran out out of the Tower, and looked for Hermione. He had to find her before it was too late.

***

Hermione was feeling so bizarre. How strange that in the face of death, now as a choice, she was so calm. But there was still a buzz in her mind as she walked briskly to her dormitory. It was... Excitement? Enthusiasm? No. It was the thrill of something that wasn't pain singing in her skull. It would all be over soon. All the hurt that had controlled her over the days, weeks, months... She was in control now. It was her decision.