Of all people at the office, Josh Bennett found love in his boss' son. The introverted guy, who has never been in any type of romantic relationship, gets a taste of the wild side when he became involved with Aidan Black. Josh started out as the shy...
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"You're back, Josh," Rae smiled at me, "I take it everything was smooth sailing last night?"
"Wrong," I plop down on her couch and let out a soft sigh. I don't want to talk about Aidan again. When I say 'I want to think', I really mean I want to think about other things beside the problem at hand. I took up a drink, which I'm sure Rae was drinking, and sipped it. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No..." I mutter.
"Then what do you want to do?" she asked me. I shrug my shoulders.
"Okay, let's go for a walk," she smiled at me. I wish Aidan would suggest a walk with me. I wish he would hold my hand as we walked. Why did I have to fall for him the way I did? He's never going to come out, and I will be left broken hearted. I lived in secret practically all my life, and now that I actually feel confident to say and do things in the open, I can't. I have to stay hidden again? I don't want to be like that, for anyone. I really like Aidan, but I just can't.
And maybe I'm the selfish one for that way, but I can't help it. I don't want to be in the dark anymore. And that's exactly where I'll be with Aidan. "I don't want to have to leave Aidan, but what else am I supposed to do?"
Rae glanced at me, allowing me to speak. I hate to tell her these things while we're in public, but I want to get it out. I want to tell someone how I feel. "Am I selfish for wanting to have a public boyfriend? I mean, can't I catch a break? I've been through so much with Aidan, and when I think it could actually be good, it screws up – he doesn't want to come out. Maybe we just shouldn't be together? Maybe we weren't supposed to have an 'us'."
"Okay, I get you're practically always arguing, but I can tell both of you have massive feelings for each other. It's all on you, Josh. Are you going to accept him as is, or are you going to leave him?" Rae asked me. I bite my lip, questioning if she's actually helping me, or getting me more confused with myself. I look over at her with furrowed eyebrows. Rae sighed softly after she realized I wasn't speaking, "You should take him back."
"But-"
"To answer your question, Josh, yes, maybe you are selfish," she stopped walking and turned to me. Thankfully, we were walking on a pretty lonely street, so there aren't people rushing and pushing us to move out of the way. "Josh, you of all people should know how it feels to come out to homophobic people. It's hard, and maybe Aidan is just not ready. He needs your support."
"What about me? I can only get to kiss him behind closed doors?" I raise my eyebrows.
"You were fine with it before, you just didn't know. Plus, you're acting as though he'll never ever come out, he will. Just have some patience with him."
I stared at her, trying to think if she's right. She sounds right, and it makes me feel horrible about myself. Now I actually do feel selfish. "Why do you even like him so much?" I ask and fold my arms across my chest.
"Because," she smiled and pulled my arm to walk again, "It's so obvious he makes you happy. You're always smiling and blushing at the mention of his name. And I like to see my friends happy."
I smile and nod my head, "Thank you."
"It's no problem."
"You're definitely getting a really epic gift from me for Christmas," I smile. Rae laugh loudly, like she usually does, then hugged me. Rae is the only friend I have ever had, and she's the best. Somehow, Rae just gives the best advice, even if it makes me feel completely horrible afterwards.
~
I've decided to go to the silly Christmas party. I'm certain Aidan would be there, so I have no choice but to go because I really want to see him. I plan on just going there, and talking to him, then leaving, hopefully, I leave with him. Although, that's the plan, I still have to at least look presentable. This is all my work.
I actually might feel a bit proud when I arrive. I did all of that. It's all me, and everyone should respect me. I mean, I gave up my nights planning this, and my days actually doing it. I feel like I should get all the glory for this stupid Christmas party.
I get dress quickly and head out of my apartment. I feel a bit nervous about all of this – seeing the outcome of the party, talking to Aidan. I'm even sort of afraid that no one would actually come because everyone knows I planned the party. What if they all decided they don't want anything to do with me and just stay at home?
I let out a sigh. Things can so horribly wrong tonight. But I'm really hope I'm wrong about that. It took me no time at all to get to the venue of the party. I parked in the parking lot full of cars, and the widest grin formed on my face. Tons of people were walking towards the entrance of the building, all dressed to perfection. I feel really proud right now. There is actually a good amount of people. I didn't have to put up posters for absolutely nothing.
I entered the building and made my way to the party area. I still felt a bit nervous, although I saw a lot of people happily going to the party. I just sort of still have this gut feeling that something might go wrong. I don't know if it's with the party or Aidan and I, but I really hope it's not Aidan and I. I mean, I'm proud of this party, but I Aidan is and always will be my top priority.
When I finally got to the party, my grin returned as I saw and felt the happiness and joy radiating off of everyone here. They were all sipping their champagne and laughing and it's just beautiful. I don't necessarily like these people, but their happiness makes me happy. I smile at everyone I passed. I also loved how the room looked – I guess my decorating skills aren't so bad. Well, that wasn't all me, but I was head... or at least I tried to be and failed. I'm so thankful for Shane.
I scanned the entire dancing area for any sign of Aidan, but was to no avail. I searched for what seemed like ages, and you would think it would be simple to find my tattooed boyfriend, but it wasn't. I felt like I would never find him tonight, so I decided to take a seat at the bar and have just one drink. I need something to keep me going; I just wish it was Aidan right now.
I took out my phone and quickly dial his number, then put my phone to my ear. Unfortunately, the call went to voicemail. I groaned softly and once more, quickly scan the crowds. I got myself another alcoholic drink and down that. It burned my throat, but I didn't really care. I want Aidan, and he decides not to answer. I called him once more, but again, he didn't pick up.
"Josh?" someone called me name from behind and touched my shoulder. I instantly turned around, finding no one other than Shane. He stared at me for a moment the asked, "You okay?"
"Yeah, of course. I'm fine," I smile, "Have a drink with me."
"Uh, sure," he returned a small smile and took a seat at the bar next to me. He got himself a drink, as did I, and we drank together. I blink down at my phone and decided to dial Aidan's number, but of course, he didn't even answer. I texted him also, but still got no reply.
