Of all people at the office, Josh Bennett found love in his boss' son. The introverted guy, who has never been in any type of romantic relationship, gets a taste of the wild side when he became involved with Aidan Black. Josh started out as the shy...
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Aidan entered the living room again with a towel wrapped around his waist. At first, he seemed pissed off, as I expected, but then I notice his features softening up and he came to me. I look away from him and wipe my cheeks from the salty tears. Aidan took a seat next to me on the couch and asked, "What's wrong, Josh?"
"Nothing, I'm fine," I tell him and stand up, "Uh you can uh burrow like a... a robe or something because I don't really have any of your clothes-"
"Josh, you're not fine," he stands up also and walked to me, "Tell me what's wrong?"
"You don't even care," I mutter softly. He obviously hates my guts right now, why is he wasting his breath trying to find out what's going on with me. All I want for him is to stay with me. I want him to accept my apology and realize I'm sorry and completely broken without him. I obviously can't say that out loud because I'll sound like the victim, which I'm not, and I don't want that either. I would like to accept the consequences for what I did, but I'm stupid, and I miss him too much.
Aidan sighed softly and looked down, confirming my assumptions that he doesn't care. Who can blame him? I screwed up. I deserve to feel like this. "Look, if you don't want to stay, it's okay. You don't have to stay here and be unhappy. You can go."
I bite my bottom lip and blink up at him, as he stood there silently. I already accepted that he never wants to see me again, I just would like to tell him one last something. "Okay, can I just get this out first?" I ask and sighed softly. I didn't wait for his reply, I just began to speak.
"Okay, I get you completely hate me, and as much as it pains, I'm okay with that. But you must know that I'm so sorry for what I did. I didn't do it purposely; it was a complete mistake and I feel disgusting about it. Also, I'm so sorry for pressuring you into coming out when you weren't ready, that too was a horrible thing to do. I didn't think about how your dad would react and I definitely didn't think your friends would have reacted the way they did either, so I'm sorry about that. I understand all of this is my fault, okay, and you have every reason to hate me, okay, so I'm sorry," I tell him, staring into his eyes, trying to get something from him. He doesn't have a look of forgiveness, but he doesn't look like he hates me as much; so, I'm confused.
I play with my fingers for the moment of silence, then sighed. "Okay, well uh you can take the bed if... if you are staying..." I pray that he says something, but he just stares at me. I don't know what's going on with us and it's all up to him. He gets to decide what happens to our relationship. I've apologized, and meant it, now it's all on him. I just need him to say something, or do something, or just give me some kind of sign.
He continued to stare at me then said, "I don't need a robe to sleep."
I nod my head once, trying my hardest to keep back the tears from leaking out. "W-well then uh how... how will you sleep?"
Aidan ran his fingers through his hair, but he said nothing. I bite my bottom lip and once again nodded my head, after realization hit me. I turned around on my heels to get some covers. I quickly walk away to my bedroom to get the stuff, but I immediately collapse on my bed as I entered my room. I grabbed my pillow as I began to sink down the side of the bed on the ground. I bury my head in the pillow and I let out a shaky breath. I want to cry. But if I do, he'll know and I'll come off as weak. I shouldn't have invited him to stay the night. I don't know if I can make it knowing he's right outside my bedroom but he's not mine and he never will be mine.
I begin to sob.
I don't know if I can take any more of this. I know it's not healthy, and pretty stupid to run away from my problems, but I'm seriously considering moving back home. I mean, a year ago, I came to New York thinking it would be great, but nothing great has ever happened since I got here – that is besides Aidan; but he's leaving me now, so whatever. I'll get a load of crap from my family but at least I won't be crying almost every day. I would be able to find a new guy and maybe move on. I don't want to stay here, knowing he's here and we could accidentally run into each other in the future and then it would be awkward between us, and maybe he'd have a new guy and I'd still be trying to get over him, and I just can't take it and the tears flowed faster.
I run my fingers through my hair and blink up to stare at my plain, boring wall. I let out a soft breath and wiped under my eyes. As much as I want to cry more, I can't. He's out there and I would look like a complete fool in from of him and I think I already seem like that, so looking like a fool twice is even more embarrassing and stupid. I bite my bottom lip and pushed myself off the ground to stand.
I let out a shaky breath to try to calm myself. I threw my pillow back on my bed then went to the closet to get some covers for him. I took a pillow from my bed and bundled it up with the covers then walked back out of the room. I bite my bottom lip as I stretched out my hands to give him the stuff. Aidan stared at me and I instantly looked downwards. If he sees my eyes, he'll know I was crying, although my red cheeks sort of give it away.
"Josh-"
"Please, Aidan, I'm tired and you should be too," I took short steps backward, away from him. He sighed as he nodded his head then looked away from me. I flash a feign smile then turn around quickly to go back to my room. "I'm really sorry," I tell him one last time, before I closed the door to my room.
~
I couldn't get any sleep because I think all I could do was cry last night. All I thought about was this being the last time I'll ever see Aidan. I don't even know how to begin speaking to him, but I'm going to at least try. I'll make it look like I'm fine, hopefully, that way the transition would be easier.
I swung my legs off the bed and rest my feet on the ground. I mentally prepared myself for this as I squeezed my eyes shut. 'I'm going to get through this' I chant to myself. I nod my head once then stood up from my seat on my bed. I slowly went to my door and opened it.
I furrowed my eyebrows as I scanned the small apartment for Aidan. The couch was empty, and last I remember I only have one couch in the apartment, so where the hell is he? I noticed he folded the covers and placed the pillow on top of it neatly. I blinked my eyes a couple of times, feeling the tears already ready to fall. I walked to the couch, where he was supposed to be.
He was supposed to be sleeping here. He wasn't supposed to leave me, just yet. I wanted to at least see him leave. How could he be so cruel and heartless to leave me when I was sleeping. That's as hurtful as dumping me over text. I scoffed softly, wishing I could hate him for this, but I can't. I deserve it all and I can't stop blaming myself for it.
I sucked in a breath and nodded my head. I guess I just have to accept that he's gone. He isn't coming back and what we had is over now. He doesn't want to see me anymore. He got fed up of me and he finally decided to just leave. It would have made no sense waiting until I was up because that would just have been a waste of time. I get that. I've never been cheated on, but I can imagine how he feels, and I guess it's expected for him to treat me this way.
