stars || Joe Sugg

15.) bitch

ruby

"Ah! I found another one!" I shout, raising my arms up in triumph. Joe looks over at me from the top of his bed. "Okay, so this one is: wow like what a b****." I read out from my phone, saying 'star' for every astride.

"I see your four stars and raise you: Ruby get over yourself you're nothing but a b*tch." Joe responds.

Now, when the Girlfriend Tag was first put up, I was kind of scared. I'll be completely honest, the first time I saw a comment calling me a bitch, it hurt enough to make me almost cry, but Joe wrapped his arms around me and asked me one question that made me not bother anymore. "Yeah, but who's here with me now?" With that, all my shits flew away, and Joe and I made a game after hate comments.

So far we have fourteen comments on the video including the word bitch. Only five of which spelled the word all the way out. Thirteen of which are rude and the other one is, I guess, supposed to be nice, saying I like you Ruby. You my kinda bitch. It's honestly my favorite comment I've read so far.

"I'm glad you're okay with it." The brunette says, leaning forward to graze my cheek. He pokes a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Well, 'okay' isn't the best word. More like I just don't care." I shrug, before leaning for a small moment to press my forehead against his. "No big deal, right?" I mutter.

"No big deal." He smiles back. Before he can lean forward again, my phone begins ringing, somewhere in the sheets of the bed. I find it eventually and answer it before actually looking, not wanting to miss the call in case it's Regina.

"Ruby Marie." I hear a woman's voice say. It's my mom. I haven't talked to her in almost a month.

"Mom, why are you calling?" I ask. I catch Joe's eye across the bed and points a finger to the door, asking me if he needs to leave. I shake my head slightly and reach a hand out to hold his. For love, for support, I don't know. It just makes me feel better to know that Joe is here with me.

"I've been calling for weeks. I've been worried about you." She answers. I wish I could believe her. I really wish I could, but I just know her too well. She's about to ask me about my disorder and how my nightmares have been. She makes me talk about them, even though I hate that.

"Uh-huh, yeah." I say, trying to sound sincere, but it just comes off even more sarcastic than I originally intended. "I'm fine, Mom. Joe and Caspar take good care of me." Joe squeezes my hand a bit tighter in his, almost scaring me because I forgot that I wasn't alone.

Most times, my mother would just leave me by myself, even when I so desperately needed someone. She thought it would help, especially after my dad left. Solitude will help you forget things, that's for sure. But the things I forgot were not the things that I needed to forget. Instead of forgetting the nightmares, I forgot how much I loved her and Dad. I forgot almost what it's like to have a family.

"When are you going to come home, Ruby?" Mom asks.

Without any hesitation, I answer her. "I think I'm already home, Mom." I hear my mom sigh over the line. I know she's about to say something judgmental, so before she's able to begin speaking, I pull the phone from my ear and hang up.

"Short lived conversation." Joe comments, pulling my phone from my hands. He sets it on one of his bedside tables before scooting closer to me in bed. He wraps me in a close hug before I have time to register the tears on my cheeks.

I hate how much I miss my mom. She used to be the only person I had, but the older I got, the less we connected. I realized what had happened when I was younger. I started recognizing all the things that she was doing to me. Therapist after therapist. Prescription after prescription. When I was little, I didn't understand, but the older I got, the more I took in.