stars || Joe Sugg

35.) fourth of july

ruby

"Can we talk about something?" I hear Regina say. I look up from Joe's laptop to the blonde standing in the kitchen. I pull out my earbud and step around my boyfriend to where Regina is. She pulls me out the front door and around to the small chairs sitting by a table.

The look on Regina's face is stressed but determined, as if she didn't get any sleep last night, like myself. I thought being back home would help with that, but it seems nowhere can protect me from the nightmares. "Hey, Reg? What's wrong?" I ask, sitting down the beer bottle in my hand.

"You don't need me anymore." She answers simply, pushing the bottle closer to me. One more thing to add with Regina hate for alcohol; she hates how it smells.

"Of course, I need you." I protest. "Where do you think I would be without you?" I've gotten used to Regina doing this. She starts feeling insecure about herself, and she slowly falls into a panic attack.

"You needed me, then. You have Joe now, though." She pulls her hair up before smiling at the beach. There's really nothing to smile at, though. There are many different songs blaring, and I see a group of people building a bonfire. Chatter rings around the atmosphere annoyingly from where people talk as much as they can before the fireworks start in about an hour.

"Regina, why do you do this to yourself? I love you, and I need you, and there's no way I'm going through this life without you." I plead, trying to keep my emotions in. Caspar's idea to get beer might not have been the best. I haven't gotten drunk in a few good weeks. Who knows what all I've bottled up since then that will spill when I get enough alcohol in me?

"I'm not leaving you, Ruby." She laughs quietly. "Fucking hell, I'd never leave you." She reaches across the table to hold my hand.

"Then what's wrong?" I ask, confusing myself trying to think through the conversation.

"Nothing's wrong, unless there's something wrong with Joe?" I shake my head at her questioning look. "You just don't need me anymore. You don't even need Joe that much. Ruby, you've changed so much in the past five years. God, you're happy. You're so happy. I missed you being this excited and in love and living your life exactly how you want it." She says, her voice growing with every word. "I've missed you, Ruby."

I squeeze her hand once to let her know that I'm listening. I'm scared to speak. I'm scared that I'll say something wrong. "I wouldn't trust anyone else to love you how Joe does. I wouldn't trust anyone else to look after you, even though you're getting almost to the point of not needing that anymore." She continues.

"Don't worry. I'm still a little trainwreck." I grin at her. She giggles, smiling at me before looking back down at the beach. "I'm too scared to be by myself. I'm too scared for what will happen with the nightmares." I admit.

"Everyone is. I was petrified when I sent you over to London and told my cousin to look after you. I love him to death, but I didn't know how he was going to react to your disorder. I didn't know how anyone was going to react." The blonde spins the ring on my finger just like I always do.

"I'm glad Joe was there." I say after a few moments of silence. "I probably wouldn't have actually stayed in London that long if it wasn't for him. I needed to get away for a while. I thought I could do it. I thought I could move over there and be okay by myself. I need someone, though, Reg. I can't be alone."

"You don't need to be alone, anyways." She replies before we hear the door open and close. Caspar comes around the corner of the house, popping his fingers as he walks.

"Um, Regina, can you come inside for a second?" He says. She rolls her eyes before standing and following him inside. I take another sip of beer and kick my feet on to the railing. I know as soon as I do it that I'm going to get splinters in my feet from the old wood.