stars || Joe Sugg

16.) drugs after drugs

joe

Yesterday was not a good night for Ruby or I. I didn't want to fight with her. I never want to fight with her. When I had intended to go over to Oli's, Caspar told me that he wasn't in because he was with his brother, James. I was too scared to leave Ruby with Caspar as well, so I just took up camp outside. I told him that if Ruby woke up, he had to come get me. I guess it's a good thing that Oli wasn't in, so I could be closer to her.

I didn't know that Ruby was going to find me. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't come find me. She was acting weird last night. She had been weird all day yesterday and today. She's been quite irritable over everything. She gave Caspar the silent treatment for over two hours this morning because he asked her if she needed anything from Sainsbury's. I'm beginning to get really worried about her. I know it's not her period because that was about a week ago, and she never got officially upset over anything, she just got moody and swore a lot. The only times she is okay is when she wakes up after a nightmare.

Ruby went to bed almost thirty minutes ago, and I haven't heard anything since then. I'm very concerned for her, but I don't want to go check on her out of fear that it will only upset her further.

I decided to take a shower before going to bed, hoping that it will somehow clear my mind enough for me to be able to go to bed. But when I get out, I discover that it really did no good. Wrapping the white towel around my waist, I notice that the bottom drawer is open on my bathroom counter. Before I close it, I see Ruby's bag of toiletries inside, along with a small pill bottle shoved into the full bag.

Ruby has only mentioned medication once while she was over here, and it was to tell me that it didn't work. I don't want to be the nosy boyfriend, but what if this is the reason that Ruby hasn't been herself? I pull the pill bottle from the bag and attempt to read the bold name at the bottom. Underneath it is says, for PTSD or frequent nightmares. The refill date at the bottom is in three months. She just recently got these.

I place the pills back in her bag and shut the drawer. I pick up my pajamas pants from the floor and proceed to slip them on before exiting the bathroom.

Now, if Ruby hasn't been moody, tonight would probably be the best night I've had in a while. Jack is staying over at our house because he has locked himself out of his flat after leaving his keys in some club, and the only person who has a spare key is Conor, who is currently out of the country with their sister, Anna. While Ruby was having one of her good moments of the day, she offered to give Jack her bed until he can get his flat open. She told him that she would just sleep with me tonight, which would be great if she wasn't currently mad at everything.

I look at the black-haired girl laying on the bed, facing away from the bathroom door. As I crawl into bed beside her, I can hear her slow breathing. I don't think Ruby has ever gone to sleep within twenty minutes of being in bed. Maybe it's a side effect of the drugs in her system. I turn the bedside lamp off and lay back against my pillow.

I'm never able to fully go to sleep. Ruby keeps tossing and turning, and every time she moves, it scares me, waking me up almost immediately. Around two in the morning, I'm woken up by a hit to my chest. By instinct, I grab Ruby's wrist quickly. She whimpers quietly at the contact, and I let go. I remember her talking to Regina about how she accidentally hit Zoe the night we stayed in Brighton. I didn't think she hit often in her sleep, but maybe she actually does.

The younger girl faces me now, with both of her hands clenched into fists. Her face is sad but determined as she breathes quite loudly beside me in bed. In one swift action, she screams and covers her face with her arms so fast that she punches the headboard, scaring herself awake. She looks at me with wide, scared eyes before softly rubbing her knuckles.