Is This Love ?

Chapter 2

* Chapter 2: *

Getting ready for the argument my mother is going to cause; I swallowed my pride and walked in the house.

Looking around to see if she was sitting in the living room, like she normally do, to my surprise she wasn't there, the apartment was finally quite.

I proceeded to unload the grocery bag, and start on making breakfast.

"Toya, Come here "a voice I was too familiar with called.

I turned off the stove, and walked down the narrow hall, to the white painted door, and looked through the crack to see if she was sitting or standing.

I opened the door.

"Yes?" I said walking in.

"What you go and pick up from the store?" She asked laying down watching Baby boy.

"I, uh, went and got more eggs, milk and cereal, we didn't have anything to eat for breakfast so I made a quick run" I said

"Did you bring me my breakfast?" She said lifting her head from the pillow to face in my direction.

I felt a bad vibe come over me.

"I did bring eggs; I can make you something to eat"

Knowing what she really meant, I didn't really want to be the cause of her death.

"Child stop playing with me, you know what the hell I'm talking about."

She got up from the bed.

"Where's my 40 and pack of cigarettes?" She questioned.

"Mom I had enough money to buy food that we really need" stepping back away from her.

"You telling me you just care about yourself? I didn't tell you to go out there and buy milk , eggs , cereal , bread, whatever you bought. You don't care huh?"

"Mom, we need food. And you're not realizing that. You need to eat, you need to get healthy"

Tears started to weal from her eyes, knowing that what I say is right, she brushed past me before her tear from her right eye, couldn't hold itself up.

"Where you going?" I questioned.

Putting on her coat and her boots, she grabbed the keys to her car. Knowing what she was going to go do, I tried to talk her down.

"Why are you running away from your problems? Just women up and face them. Dads gone, there's no coming back from that, its life, move on. You're throwing your life away, because you can't seem to find yourself. Alcohol is not your backbone, mom I'm here; I don't want to lose you next."

Taking a look into the glass mirror that sat on the wall near the door, she brushed back her frizzy hair with her fingers, knowing it wasn't doing much she walked to the bathroom.

I followed her.

Seeing my mom like this isn't the first time, or even talking her down from her problems. No matter what I say, she's going to do it anyway. I never stopped trying though. I know she needs me. And as long as I'm here, she will be sane.

She grabbed the gel and brush from the medicine cabinet.

I grabbed the brush and gel.

"Come I'll do it"

Following me like a lost puppy I can hear her sniffling, trying to keep from crying.

To be honest, I like it when she's sober. Times like this, I wish don't change, but in a few minutes, she'll be drunk, screaming and hitting me. I'll just value this moment right now.

I pulled the seat from my desk, and pulled it in front of the mirror sitting on top of my dresser.

I untied her messy bun, and gently combed through her long soft hair, teasing any knot I came across.

She gazed at me through the mirror.

"Toya ..... I'm sorry "she said sadly.

Realizing what she had said, shocked it came from her mouth, I stopped combing her hair. And looked at her.

Realizing she was looking at the scar on my left cheek, from the night she really hurt me. I tried to change the subject.

"Umm, you know I ran into Ol'Mr. Green today"

Realizing I changed the subject she played on.

"Oh the old man still there?" she joked.

"Yea, yea ... He said to come down to see him, just at least once"

Twirling her fingers, she sat up.

"Oh, he doesn't want to see me like this. I'm too embarrassed."

"Mama you know, he's not going to judge you. Ya'll were friends, maybe probably more than best friends at that." I said jokingly.

Blushing she said.

"Oh girl stop. If it was to that, he just couldn't keep his hands off me."

She looked into the mirror and pecked her lips out.

One thing about my mother. She was very beautiful. Most alcoholics look worn down, beat up, smelly, she kept her shape, her hair always done, and her clothes always clean. If you didn't know her, you probably think she never did any substances in her life. But looks can be deceiving.

"Mom, why haven't ..."

Knowing I didn't want to bring this up, I stopped myself, but she caught on pretty quickly.

"I just don't really need anybody in my life to come and go as they please. Especially without goodbyes."

She looked down to her boots and lifted a piece of lint of them.

Respecting what she had said. I continued to comb her hair, slicking back her hair with the gel, I made a quick donut bun and steeped back.

Admiring herself she stood up from the chair and faced me.

"Thank you very much darling, how much would that be?" she said with humor.

"Mom just go enjoy yourself" I fixed her coat hoodie and let her proceed toward the door.

"Hey Toya, don't wait up, I don't know whether I'll be home late or early."

Already knowing the real answer, I agreed.

She walked out.

I sat down in the living room, and felt my left cheek, where the healed slice mark rested.

Times she left, I only thought to myself.

"What is going to happen, when she comes back home"

I laid my head to rest.

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*~LexyLex~*