Never Have I Ever (One Last Time # 1) (Wattys2017)

As The Skies Cry

Oliver walked beside me, his eyes on the mud smearing the bottom of our shoes.

The crowded funeral seemed like it was miles in front of us, seemed like it was so far away, yet so close.

I reached up and wiped my wet cheeks, feeling Oliver's eyes burning into me.

"What?" I snapped, feeling a little guilty when he winced.

"I. . . nothing." I continued to walk, occasionally glancing over at Oliver's pale and scruffy face. My brother, the guy that had always seemed to be perfect and clean cut, looked as if he had just stopped caring.

"Liv, hey." I looked up at Gina, Abel's only other long term relationship. She looked like crap. Her hair, despite it being hid under a hat, looked ratty and tangled. Her face was just as pale and sick looking as mine was.

"Hey." I whispered, my chapped lips trying to pull into a sad smile.

"You look great." She whispered, sniffling, "I can see why he loved you." The last time I had seen her, she had been ready to bite my head off. But that had been almost four months ago, and I guess a lot has changed since then.

"Thanks. You do too." I sat in the seat between Oliver and Adrian in the front row, wiping at my eyes before my mascara could smear. I could hear my parents talking behind me, and when I turned, I found Mom hugging a crying Jeremy against her, Dad rubbing his back.

I turned away before I could start crying myself, my eyes on the casket in front of us, my stomach churning.

I didn't want to be here, I just wanted to sit at home and curl up on the couch. I wanted to hold my stomach, my baby, the only true thing I had left of Abel.

I'd known a little after we had gotten home from Vegas. I had missed my period, and when it didn't come that entire month, I had forced myself to buy a test and see. My parents had told Oliver and me, when we were kids, that even condoms weren't always a sure thing. That they were plastic and could break, could be faulty. I hadn't been on the pill when we did it either, I had been so trusting with his protection that I hadn't even thought about it.

"Liv, you okay?" Oliver whispered, squeezing my hand. I could feel my stomach starting to churn once again, but this time I was sure something was going to come up.

I stood up and rushed away from the funeral and toward a tree, kneeling down before I threw up the little I had eaten today.

"You feel any better?" Oliver whispered, sitting down a few feet away so he was facing me. I laid my hand on my stomach, avoiding his eyes.

How the hell was I supposed to tell my family about this, I could barley even comprehend it myself.

"I know this is a lot to take in. I'm surprised I haven't done the same. I. . . it just makes me sick that everyone sitting over there thinks they knew him, thinks he was some sort of God now that he's dead." I nodded in agreement, tears burning my eyes.

"I wish. . . I wish he would have told me." I said, meeting my brother's bright blue eyes. It was then that I saw his mask crack, saw the tears starting to glisten in his eyes.

"He wanted to, Liv. He. . . he didn't want to tell me either, but he knew I'd handle it better. I just didn't think. . . I didn't think it would happen so fast." I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, shivering despite it not being very cold.

"I don't want to be there." Jeremy whispered, sitting down beside me and laying his head on my lap. I shook my head, looking up so he couldn't seem me crying as I ran my hand through his hair.