Wild Side [h.s au]

Chapter 53

Harry

I can't stop thinking about her. Right when I've started to accept the fact Elena is gone, Louis comes and tells me she's been so near me this whole time. The thought is exciting and terrifying at the same time. It's been hours since I received the news, hours since I told them I won't do anything about it.

But it was a lie and I know that now.

I wouldn't be pacing back and forth across my- well, Niall's living room at five am if it wasn't. I wouldn't be dressed in my uniform and heavily armed if I wasn't ready to act. I'm not planning to sit back and do nothing while my dad and my friends are doing everything they can to win this war. I suddenly stop pacing, my hands fisting tightly at my sides as I storm into the bathroom, the door slamming against the wall from the sheer force I used to open it.

For the first time in years, I stand in front of a mirror and just look at myself, look at the person I've become. Dull green eyes stare at me, dark circles resting underneath them, pale skin of my face only accentuating them. My pierced lips are dry and parted, messy, shoulder length curls framing my face, my eyebrows pulled in a slight frown. This is what I've become, this fucking shell of a man I used to be.

It's time for a change.

I'm done with crying, with self-pity, with constantly punishing myself. I'm done with letting my guilt destroy me piece by piece every single day, I'm done with letting the pain control me and change who I am. If it's going to change me, then I'll make sure it changes me for the better.

I watch as my features contort in pure anger and determination, my hand taking a knife from my belt as I grab a lock of my hair, raising the knife blade toward it and cutting it in half. It falls into the sink and I immediately feel something shift inside me, something new and powerful pushing me to go further. I grab another lock and cut it, repeating the process over and over again, locks of my hair filling the sink.

I suddenly drop the knife, letting it clatter in the sink as I grip the edges of the sink, staring in what seems to be another person in the mirror. His green eyes are no longer dull, there's some kind of fire in them, making them seem brighter and more lively. His hair is shorter and slightly tousled, its strands not curly anymore, bringing more focus to his determined expression. This is not H, I'm no longer H.

This strong person willing to fight and make a change is the same one who disappeared and sealed himself away from the world when he was nineteen. That person is back, I'm back.

. . . .

I take a deep breath and exhale slowly, releasing some of my anxiety. I haven't talked to Tommy since the day Alice died, leaving my dad to take care of telling him about it and comfort him. I can only imagine how losing his best friend affected the young boy, the thought bringing me a strong sense of pain.