Silence and Sadness

I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

Hey, I am so sorry. I know it's been a long time since I updated this. A lots been going on, and my wifi has been out, and...just...ugh
😣. Here's an update! Please enjoy!

{Gerard's POV}

         Frankie woke me up Monday morning. I groaned and rolled over onto my back, opening an eye tiredly. "What?" I groaned. He chuckled and said, "Come on, sleeping beauty. We have school." I slowly pulled myself into a sitting position. "There you go!" Frankie laughed. "Shut up! Why do we have to go to school? I don't want to see...you know." I admitted. "Gee, you'll be fine. We'll be there with you. He won't hurt you or us. I promise." Frankie said. "Fine. Let's get this over with." I sighed, climbing out of bed. "That's the spirit!" Frankie cheered as I shuffled to my dresser. I shot him a nasty glare as I pulled out a Black Veil Brides shirt and some black skinny jeans. I walked into the bathroom to get dressed. Once I was dressed, I fixed my hair and put on my eyeliner. "You look good, baby." Frankie complimented as I re-entered my room. I gave him a half-smile, still annoyed at him for getting me out of bed.
     

          The two of us walked down to the kitchen, where Mikey, Ray, and Bob sat at the table, eating cereal. "Hey, guys!" Ray said. Mikey and Bob waved, their mouths full of cereal. "Hey!" Frank greeted, grabbing a bowl out of the cabinet. "Gee, mom and dad had to head out early. They said have a nice day, and they love you." Mikey said as I grabbed a bowl. I nodded and started filling my bowl with Fruit Loops (I just finished eating a bowl of FL, soo...). Frank handed me the milk, which I poured into the cereal before handing it back to him and grabbing a spoon. Frank and I sat down at the table and started eating. We all sat in silence for a few minutes before Ray asked, "Are you okay, Gerard? You seem like you've been in a bad mood all morning?" I sighed, shaking my head, and said, "I don't know. I really don't want to go to school. I don't want to see Bert. And I've been thinking about the other day...you know." I stopped. Mikey put a hand on my arm. "It's okay if you want to talk about it, we're here." he said. I nodded, but even they knew I wasn't going to let my feelings surface that easily. They wouldn't get it. "Let's just get out of here. We have to get going soon anyway." I said, getting up, putting my bowl in the sink, and walking to my room to get my shoes. Once I pulled my shoes, I grabbed mine and Frank's backpacks and headed back out to the living room, where the others were standing by the door.

        We all went outside, Mikey stopping to lock the door, and climbed into my car in our usual places- Frank and I up front and the others in the back. I started the car and pulled out of the driveway. A few minutes later, we pulled into the Student Parking lot at school. I stopped the car, grabbed my keys, and followed the guys through the yard and into the school.  We stopped at Ray's locker, letting him grab his stuff for periods 1-4, then we went to Bob's locker, then Frank's. Finally, we stopped at mine and Mikey's. As I finished grabbing my stuff, and went to close my locker, Frankie tapped my shoulder urgently. I looked up questioningly, then froze as I saw Bert coming down the hall towards us. "Hey, Gee!" He greeted, flashing me a smile. "Leave, Bert. Now!" Frank ordered, slowly getting angry. "I don't think I will, I-Air-Oh." He said with a smirk. Frank frowned, eyes wide in shock and frustration. "Seriously, Bert. Leave us alone." Bob said, taking a step forward, much to my own surprise as well as that of the others, because Bob was usually the quiet one, at least in school. "I just wanted to say hi to my little Geebear! Is that too much to ask?" he said defensively. "First of all, for you, yes it is. Second, don't call him Geebear. Third, he's not yours anymore."  Frank said, clearly starting to get annoyed. "You seem to forget, Iero, that he was mine first, and he always will be mine, right Geebear?" Bert asked mockingly, a smirk spreading across his face as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I instantly tensed up, my breath catching in my throat. "Get away from us, McCracken, now!" Bob said, his hands balling up into fists. Bert laughed and rubbed his hand up and down my arm. "Whatever, losers. I'll see you later, Gee." he said. Moving his arm away, he walked down the hall and around the corner. I didn't realize I wasn't breathing until Frankie said, "Gee, can you hear me? Relax, he's gone now. Just breathe, baby, breath." After a few minutes of following Frankie's long, deep breathing, my own breathing returned to a normal rate. "You okay?" Frank asked. I nodded, giving him a small smile. The bell rang, and I headed off to class.

Time skip bc I'm lazy

           After School, Frank and I decided to walk around in the woods. Eventually, we ended up at the bridge. As I looked over the edge into the waters below, I wondered, "How do we always end up here when we go walking in the woods?" Frankie, wrapping his arm around me, smiled and said, "I don't know. Maybe it's just because it's special to us. I mean, this was the place where you...you know. And this is the place where you first talked to me." He skipped over that one part kind of fast, almost like he was trying to hide it. "I tried to kill myself, Frank." I said, seriously, folding my hands together as I looked out over the edge. "What?" he asked. Why was he acting so confused? "You can say the words, Frank. I tried to kill myself. Hearing the words is not going to suddenly make me depressed and suicidal. Why does everyone always act like it's a disease, like if I hear the words suicide, or self-harm, or depression, or anything like that, I'll suddenly be that way. I'm stronger than you think, Frankie. You guys don't have to always be so soft around me. It's actually kind of insulting." I said, getting quite annoyed. His expression softened, and he wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt that way. I used to be upset when I heard words like that. Every time I heard self-harm, I would start thinking about doing it, and eventually I just would. Every time I heard suicide, or kill yourself, I would think about doing it. Thankfully, it never came to that." he said. Then, he looked into my eyes. "I know how strong you are, Gee. You're much stronger than I could ever be, than I ever will be." He gently pressed his lips to mine. He tasted like coffee and nicotine. I pressed back, savoring the taste. "What was that little tune you were humming earlier?" I wondered. He shrugged and said, "I don't really know. Just some kind of rhythm I thought of in music class earlier." "Hum it for me." I said, curiosity sparking my interest. He frowned, and then started humming the tune. Keeping the tune in my mind, I started singing off a whim.

Well, If you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.

I never want to let you down or have you go

It's better off this way

For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,

Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

You wear me out.

I stopped, noticing the smile on Frank's face. "That was pretty cool, Gee." he said. "Thanks. I just kind of thought of it. Are you okay?" I asked, seeing small tears forming in the corners of his eyes. Frank smiled and said, "I'm okay now." I smiled, pressing my lips to his. God, he was amazing!

Here's a new chapter for ya! If you liked this chapter, you know the drill! I will try to update again ASAP. I'll also be posting a new chapter of my Lyric-Poems soon, so keep an eye out! Thanks for reading ! See ya!