Intent 2: Fight or Flight [Wattys 2017] (ON HOLD)

Chapter 11

What is Love - Lea Michele

Emma

The day I met Lina I was still a rage filled yet timid teenager who had just been kicked out of yet another day school close to home. At that point in my life mum and Steve had reached the end of their ropes in terms of my behavior and had made a life altering choice.

Even now I can't blame them for their decision. I had to leave home. I needed the discipline, I needed the clean slate, I needed something beyond everything I knew and just start over. I needed new people, new opportunities, and new surroundings.

I just needed something, I know that now. Back then when it was happening I was not pleased with their decision in the slightest.

The whole entire thing was out of my control. I felt pushed in a corner and impossibly angry with the two of them. I was inconsolable. I believe the last words I yelled back at them was "I'll never forgive you."

Little did I know I'd be thanking them just a few months later.

The way everything occurred was so cliche, I still can't believe it. But that's how it happened.

Lina was my assigned buddy and the first person I met when I first arrived on campus. It was the middle of the term and I instantly felt out of place.

Meeting someone so different to myself right of the bat was not reassuring. I had assumed and hoped that it was the kind of thing where she was supposed to just show me around campus and then leave me alone but she didn't.

She was everything I despised back then, if I'm completely honest. Thinking back on some of the things I thought of her when we first met is terrible really. We've obviously moved passed all that since then but I still regret some of the things I thought.

Lina seemed so perfect. She had the perfect hair and a stomach churning cheery demeanor. It was so much to take in and I really didn't want any part of it. Her outlook on life was so hopeful and welcoming while mine was consumed with drowning my sorrows and finding comfort in guys . Everything I did was to either not feel a damn thing or forget.

We were complete opposites.

There were even times I just wanted to slap the grin off her face.

It's probably not hard for anyone to believe but she was just as nosey and intrusive as she is now. That certainly hasn't changed.

When I moved I was in a very bad mindset and for a short time I really did hate her with every fiber of my being.

But the thing with Lina was that past her constant smile and seemingly perfect life, there was a girl who didn't take any of my shit and that was exactly what I needed.

Lina didn't let me get away with anything, not with feeling sorry for myself or keeping people out. This quality of character hasn't changed either and I'm glad.

I was horrified when I found out she was my roommate. I just knew she'd be constantly trying to get me to open up and actually become friends and I tried as hard as I could to keep her from getting in.

Alas, this plan didn't work for long.

A few weeks later, without any intention of doing so, I found myself sobbing and drunk on the floor of our room telling her my whole story.

I hated it. I hated that she had gotten through but at the same time she was instantly my best friend. I don't know whether it was because she knew intimate details about my past or if we were just meant to be friends in the end but once she knew I felt calm.

Lina became my first real friend since Harry.

It's strange, ever since the break up I've been overanalyzing everything, not just the Harry stuff. My brain just won't shut off and it's frustrating and impossible exhausting.