Intent 2: Fight or Flight [Wattys 2017] (ON HOLD)

Chapter 19

Harry

Say something, please say something.

We stare at each other, Emma completely unreadable. I can hardly tell if she's breathing let alone decipher what she might be thinking. It looks like she's just seen a ghost, her lips parted and her eyes wide with wonder and fear.

I hate that I've done this to her. Yet again I'm the reason she is speechless and confused and in pain.

Until now I hadn't fully realized how many terrible things I've done to her. Of course I remember all the thing's I've done but not until this moment has every single incident flooded my brain and piled up so high that I can't see the end of it.

Say something. Please say something.

My heart is furiously beating against my chest, pulsing blood through every vein. I feel my entire body shake as I try to sit still. I want to stop, be strong and take control of the situation but I can't. The only thing I can manage to focus on is Em.

I didn't know it would be this hard and that I would feel this shitty finally telling her. Granted I haven't said much and for poor Em, she is probably over thinking and trying to marry what she saw the night of my birthday with what I just told her but coming up short.

How could she possibly find a logical explanation between the image and my words. There is no way. And yet knowing all this I wait for her to say the first word.

Say something... please!

She doesn't.

For a moment I try to put myself in her position. I try to think of how I would react if she told me she had been close to someone else but the very thought of Emma being intimate with another guy makes me sea sick. I can barely handle the mere thought of it let alone imagine myself getting past such an instance.

But Emma hasn't done that and it's not our issue at the moment.

Emma believes that I slept with Jessica and I could easily clear the air right now and tell her that I was drugged and taken advantage of but I can't seem to find the energy to do so.

I just want Emma back and skip this whole part but I know that can't happen.

We need to talk but I'm too scared to push forward.

So I continue to wait for Emma to make a move.

Say something, please say anything.

But she remains silent.

This is not how I wanted to do this. Screaming at her in the middle of a bloody beach on a blistering hot day is not what I had in mind.

This is a bloody nightmare and I haven't even gotten to the difficult part of the story.

She's stuck in her confusion. We are both stuck in this awkward and blistering silence that neither of us seems to be able to break.

I have no idea what to do.

You could explain you wanker, my inner voice scolds me but something far greater stops me. A fear that only just popped into my head and I dread that it may become real.

Unable to push it aside, my deepest fear takes root and manifests into something so vivid the only explanation that I can come up with is because I put Em through the exact same thing so many times.

Her walking away.

I could hardly blame her if she did after I just blurted it out the way I did. But I don't think I could handle it if the last thing I saw of Emma Parker was her back as she jets down the shoreline.