God Bless The Broken Road (Jonathan Toews)

It's You That I Want

Maisie

As the days pass we get closer and closer to the play offs and closer and closer to me graduating. Once I graduate I'm not quite sure what's in store for me. I was looking for jobs to take pictures at and wasn't having much help.

"What if you can't find a job around here" Nicole asks.

"What? You trying to get rid of me" I joke.

"No. I love you and Jackson living here. I don't know what I'm going to do without you guys, but you're not going to live here forever. You're going to do great things, I just wasn't sure you were planning to stay here once your done with school" she claims.

"I don't want to leave. As much pain as I get from being here, I know I couldn't take Jackson away from Chicago" I shrug. Not entirely true but not entirely false either.

"Sweetie, I know you don't want to leave Jonathan. I get you want to protect Jackson but you shouldn't deny yourself happiness in return. You're in love, it's okay to admit it. Saying that you want and need Jonathan doesn't make you weak, it makes you human. You keep saying you're doing this stuff for Jackson, but I know deep down Jonathan is keeping you around too. He makes Jack happy but he makes you happy too, that's just as important" she insists.

"I will never put myself in front of Jackson, he saved me and he will never know just how much he means to me. Why I love him so much and why I protect him as if he was my own. He was the first person to ever love me, to hold me close and look at me like I mattered. I watched him nearly die and I can't stand the thought of something bad happening to him ever again. That little boy is all the good things in my life and it is my mission to make sure he's happy. In return that is when I'm happiest" I explain.

"And that's not a bad thing. But you're still only 21, you're about to get your first real job and he's going to start preschool next year. If anyone can do it it's going to be you. But it's not going to be easy" she sighs. She was a mother figure to me, and a damn good one if you ask me. She always asked the hard questions and I appreciate that.

"I don't need easy, I need possible" I reply and a smile crawls on her face.

"That's my girl" she replies. I take a nap and a shower before hitting the books once again. Can't worry about getting another job until I graduate first. I sit with my nose in a book about photography until two loud hockey players and a little bright eyed boy comes into the apartment. They went to a Bulls game giving me time to look for a job and study. I'm still terrified of letting Jack go out without me but I trust Jonathan and to a lesser extent Patrick.

"Hi baby, how was the game" I ask Jackson as he crawls in my lap. He had a Bulls foam finger and the biggest smile on his face.

"It was awesome! But I like hockey better" he shrugs.

"See, that's why you're my favorite small person" Patrick says pointing to him from the kitchen. The man is a human vacuum.

"How's job hunting going" Jon asks joining us on the couch.

"Pretty good. There's a lot to take pictures of in Chicago so hopefully I'll find something around here" I shrug.

"Why don't you work at the UC. It'll be Hawks and Bulls and whatever events are there, but I think you would like it" he suggests.

"Are they hiring" I wonder.

"I don't know, we can check tomorrow" he says and I nod.

"Mommy can we play" Jackson asks still chilling on my lap.

"No baby, it's bed time. You need to change and wash up for bed" I say squeezing his side causing him to giggle.

"Can you sing to me" he asks.

"Of course. Now go wash up and I'll meet you in bed" I advise and he hops off and down the hallway.

"Was he good tonight" I ask Jonathan while picking up my notes from the table.

"Of course. I've never had any problems with him" Jonathan admits. I get everything put away and start to make my way to Jackson's room.

"Can I ask you a question" Jon calls out and I slowly turn to him. Patrick looks around like he wasn't listening, but I knew he was.

"Yeah" I respond and he steps closer to me.

"Why don't you ever do things for yourself? If you're not working your at school. If you're not at school you're taking care of Jackson or doing something for him. All the money you make you either put away or spend on Jackson. It takes me a week to even get you to come to a game and relax. You won't let me spoil you but you won't take time for yourself. You always say you will do anything for Jackson, what about you" he asks.

"I hate talking about myself. Before Jackson was here I didn't want to be alive, there was no point. But he gave me a reason to live. He's the reason for anything good in my life. He loved me even when I don't love me. Who I am is someone who lives for him. That's my happiness" I explain.

"What happened to you... you can't possibly blame yourself for that. You don't have to like it but you never had a chance to find out who you really are or who you can be. That girl in you that you hate, that's not really you. The you I see, that's you and she deserves great things if you allow her to. You don't need to remember all that bad stuff but it's who you are. Why I love you. I can't imagine you being any different and me feeling the same way I do. You're strong as hell and so independent which I find incredibly sexy. But it's okay to want or need something from someone else. We won't think of you any different" he explains.

"I know... I know. It's just hard because I've been hard wired to be cold blooded but you make me feel so warm. I told myself I don't need anybody else but I constantly want you. I say I'm fine but all I want of for you to hold me. You took everything I knew and was comfortable with and turned it upside down. You've shown me that everything isn't what it seems and I love it, but I'm still learning. I want to be excited about the future but I'm honestly so scared. What if my parents clean up and I lose him, what if he realizes that things aren't what they seem, what if you realize that there's someone better than me out there..." I trail off.

"Look at me, Maisie I love you. I have never fallen in love but I know what I'm feeling. I will never get over you if I was to lose you. You're everything I've ever wanted in a partner. You're intelligent and powerful and thoughtful, I'm not going anywhere because I know I won't find anything better. I just want you to be happy" he whispers.

"You are my happiness Jonathan" I respond quietly and he smiles.

"Mommy, are you coming" Jackson asks wearing a pair of batman pajama pants. We were on to Batman now.

"Of course, I'll come sing to you" I say breaking away from Jonathan.

"Can daddy come too" he asks and I turn to Jon.

"Yeah, of course buddy. Let's go" he says picking Jack up and bringing him to his room. We sit on both sides of his bed as he gets comfortable under the blankets. I sing softly as his eyes flutter close and I turn to see Jonathan staring at me.

"I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true."

I finish singing and we sneak out him room without waking him up. I turn around to be met with a pair of lips passionately moving with mine.

"What was that for" I whisper breathlessly.

"Insurance that it's you that I want."