God Bless The Broken Road (Jonathan Toews)

My Story

Maisie

I get back to Chicago and pick up Jackson from Jonathan's place. I got to spend thanksgiving with his parents and Jackson and they didn't suspect a thing. I told Bryan and Andrée that I didn't feel well and that's why I got sent home. It was good enough for them but Jackson knew better. I knew I was going to have to talk to Jonathan again eventually, and as much as I wanted to yell and scream at him that didn't change the fact that I missed him so much. I missed how he always smiled when he looked at me, I miss how he said my name in his deep morning voice. I miss how he held me when I asked him too. I missed being in his presence, feeling safe as ever. Most of all I missed knowing that he wouldn't be so careless and thoughtless to ruin everything I've worked so hard for.

"When is daddy coming home" Jackson asks as I drive him to practice.

"He should be home tomorrow" I sigh. I knew he was coming but I wasn't ready.

"Are we going to see him" he asks happily.

"I don't know baby, he's going to be tired" I try.

"But he always comes over when he's tired" he defends.

"I know honey. It's just... I don't know" I say pulling into a parking spot. I lay my head against the steering wheel and try to figure out what was happening.

"Are you and daddy still together" he asks and I let out a sigh.

"I don't know baby" I admit.

"If daddy doesn't marry you I will" he says and I smile for the first time in a long time.

"Thanks Jack Attack." I get him in to practice and sit down next to Emma. I watch Jackson and Henry go off and work on drills and rest my head on her shoulder. She softly pats my head as I close my eyes.

"Still not any better huh" she asks.

"No. He comes home tomorrow and I don't know what to do" I admit.

"Don't say anything you will regret. That's when it gets bad. Just do what you believe is best" she advises. After practice Jackson and I go to Portillos and we hang out. I might have only been gone a few days but I did miss him a bunch. We return home and I easily tuck him into bed. As soon as my butt hits the couch someone knocks on the door and I let out a groan.

"Oh quit your whining, I got it" Nicole says and I laugh while relaxing into the couch. I find a random picture laying on the table and pick it up. It was a picture of me when I was in high school, how did anyone find this? I was nothing but bones and skin it was scary. I was wearing a dirty dress two sizes too small that showed off my way too much of my legs, they looked like twigs. My hair was in its usual pony tail and I was at my friends birthday party. My parents wouldn't let me get anything so I made her a scrapbook with the pictures from my Polaroid like the one I was holding. That was my first camera, I loved it. But she didn't care that I didn't get her make up or clothes, she was just happy I was out of the house and I was too. I was the farthest thing from happy though. I was in so much pain, my bones hurt from malnourishment and I could feel my stomach eating away at itself. A picture can say a thousand words, this one said pain.

"Hey" a deep voice says and I look up to see Jonathan. His hair was a mess and cloths all wrinkled. His eyes were darker than usual and it looked like he hadn't slept in a long time.

"I thought you weren't coming back until tomorrow" I whisper.

"I took the first plane I could find after our game tonight. All my stuff is still with the team actually" he laughs.

"Why are you here" I ask. I thought I could be strong. But seeing him in front of me made me so so weak.

"Because I am not leaving here until I'm convinced that you've forgiven me. Say the word and I'll do it, anything for you to be back in my life again" he insists coming close. He grabs my arm and pulls me against his chest letting me feel his presence once again.

"Jonathan, I don't want anything from you. Don't you get it? All I wanted was to confide in you and to trust you and you can't fix what's broken. Trust me, I've tried" I explain.

"I did a terrible thing. I get that, I really do. It's not my place to tell people these things. I know what I did was stupid and I can't take it back, but I want to make it better. I thought I was helping you and I should have figured out that you never wanted my help. I just want so bad for everything to work out and I guess I ruined that. But I love you and Jackson so much and I will not stop fighting for you guys. You could hate me forever and I will still beg for forgiveness" he claims.

"I don't hate you, I could never. I just had been let down so many times I was getting comfortable with believing you were this perfect human being, and your not. You're going to make mistakes, I just didn't think I would be so scared or so hurt" I admit.

"I know, and I've been beating myself up. I can't eat or sleep or think straight. My life is in shambles without you... because you are my life. And I really hate the thought of you being upset with me" he sighs. I go over and hand the picture I found to him.

"What do you see here" I ask.

"Some little girl. She looks really small and sad" he says bringing he picture closer to his face so he can study it.

"That was me as a freshman in high school. I weighed 78 pounds, and those are my friends clothes. Before this I spent the whole night crying then tried to convince myself that that was the way life had to be. I thought that this pain and humility was something I deserved for some reason. Every time I looked in a mirror that is what I saw. And I felt even worse than that on the inside. That's my story Jonathan. I can tell it because I know what it was like to live through those things. Those are my feelings and my interpretations of my life. Not yours. I don't want people to know these things because when they look at me they won't see me, that's what they're going to see. It's not they won't know, it's that they won't know until I'm ready for them to. And Jonathan I'm not ready for Jackson or anyone else to know" I explain.

"I get that. I really do. I just want so bad for you to be happy" he defends.

"I get that. But it's not Patrick or even your parents I care most about. It's you. They don't need to know what happened because they don't mean what you mean to me" I say caressing his cheek. He closes his eyes and leans into my touch, I forgot how much I loved the feeling of his skin on mine.

"You scared me to death. I though I lost you" he whispers.

"You could never lose me. I might be upset with you but that will never over rule how much I love you. You mean the world to Jackson and I. I just needed to make sure Jackson was going to be okay" I assure him. He pulls me close and takes no time placing a kiss on my lips. I meet his aggression as my hands find their way to his neck. All the emotions we had come out as I feel him melt under my fingers.

"I love you so much. Never scare me like that again" he whispers breathlessly.

"I'm yours" I whisper back.