God Bless The Broken Road (Jonathan Toews)

Starting Over

Maisie

"Mommy can we go home" Jackson asks for the hundredth time today. It's been two days since we left and I have no more answers than I left with. Spending these days with Jackson has been great, just like the good old times of just him and I. But there was obviously missing something, and it was home. It was watching Jackson and Dagger play in the snow. It was Jonathan being up before me with a pot of coffee already ready. It was a sense of safety, but that was taken when my parents found him.

"I don't know baby" I sigh and he frowns.

"Can we please go home" he asks as he gives his puppy dog eyes.

"Home isn't really home right now" I try.

"Of course it is. That's where daddy is" he replies.

"Yeah, that's true. But there's other things there too that I'm not sure is best for you" I say cupping his chin.

"It's okay mom, I'm strong" he claims causing me to smile.

"I know you are baby. But there's things in this world bigger than our family. Things that can change everything" I explain. 

"Sometimes it worth it. Sometimes when I play hockey I'm scared a big kid will hurt me. But I keep playing because I love it and I'm good at it. Sometimes I do get hit but I get back up. It might hurt for a little but I'll be okay" he says. He was a lot smarter than I thought.

"You're right. How about we go home tomorrow" I ask and he smiles.

"Yay" he cheers and jumps into my arms.

"Ugh you're getting so big" I joke and he laughs.

"You're the best mommy ever" he says and my heart skips. I really didn't want him to change, I want him to call me mommy forever.

We spend the third day just messing around and going around Minnesota sight seeing and going to the aquarium. We had a great time but it was obviously time to go home.

After another impossibly long drive we finally arrive in Chicago. The guys didn't have a game today and I was hoping Jon would be home when we get there. I pull up and his car was there so that was good. I know that he's mad at me and upset that I did such a stupid thing, I couldn't want to see him again. I get Jackson out and knock on the door with my fingers crossed he won't yell. I know it was my house too but I wasn't about to be like "sorry I've been a moody overdramatic cunt the past few days but I would love for us to ack like nothing ever happened". Jon deserves better than that. He opens the door and his eyes find mine immediately. Without a word he places his lips on mine and he lets out a long breath. He pulls me close and I never wanted to let him go. Everything built up over the past three days were released and I felt so good being in his arms once again.

"I've missed you so much. Don't you ever scare me like that again" he whispers once we break apart but I stay in his arms.

"I'm so sorry. I was stupid and these hormones were crazy and" I start until he connects our lips again so I would stop talking.

"I'm not mad. You're scared and I get it. I'm just really happy you guys are home and safe" he says and I nod. He laced his fingers through mine and we walk in. It smelled like vanilla in here and the place was all picked up. Jackson runs off with Dagger and Jon pulls me into our room. He connects our lips once again causing me to giggle. If I knew this was what was waiting for me, I would have came home a lot sooner.

"Wow I've missed you too" I joke.

"I got you something" he says going into the closet and bringing out a box. On the front was a card that read 'Happy Birthday Maisie'. I totally forgot I wasn't here for that. I open the box and see a large photo book. At least a hundred pages, but I do love taking pictures. It had photos I didn't even know were taken of us. They were from the Cubs game we first met at to when he purposed. It was a beautiful array of pictures and memories conveniently in one book. I look up to see Jon right beside me on the bed. He wipes a tear as I lean into his touch.

"I'm so sorry" I say for the millionth time.

"Please stop apologizing, I just want to move on" he insists.

"How, how am I supposed to move forward is my past is holding me down. Why should I believe that I can be happy when all I know is pain" I ask.

"Because if you keep worrying about your past you'll have no future. I'm not you, I don't know how to make your past less painful. But I can make the future a better place to live in if you let me" he sighs.

"I know. You're right. It's just so much comes up when I let my thoughts consume me. The hunger, the pain, the abandonment. It all hits me at once and I get overwhelmed. I know you're here for me and you want to help but it's just something that's bigger than you and I. It's Jackson and my parents too and there's no way of fixing things. Even after Jackson knows there still going to be problems. Sometimes I just feel like the world is working against me and I run, but I shouldn't have done that to you."

"I promise I'm not mad or even upset. I'm happy everyone is okay and we can move past this together. I will never give up. Not matter what you run your broken road will lead you to me. I know that. Just... promise you'll stop running. You're better than that."

"Am I though? Because I said that earlier and I ended up in Minnesota for half a week."

"Yes, you are. Because I'm going to help you see what I see. I've watched you blossom into this beautiful woman right before my eyes. You've changed me and Patrick and nearly everyone you've ever come into contact with. You're special, and I want you to see that" He explains.

"I can't wait" I smile. We grab Jackson and Dagger and go on a walk as the sun melts the snow away. We walk around the neighborhood and Jackson goes on and on about all the cool animals he saw at the aquarium. We'll have to go there together sometime as a family.

I make dinner and we sit around the table like we always did. I fixed our plates and we talk about our day. It's almost as if nothing ever happened. But it did, and I know things won't ever be the same again. And you can't go back as redo the start. But you can't now and make a new ending, I was hoping for a happily ever after.