God Bless The Broken Road (Jonathan Toews)

Going Down

Maisie

As the summer passes Jackson spends most of his time with Jonathan at his place while I worked. I always brought home dinner and helped Jonathan with things around the apartment. But today I had off so we were going to the courthouse to see if Jonathan can become a legal adopted parent to Jackson. After talking with a judge they said that there shouldn't be any problem. He would have to attend orientation and get training which he was okay with. He wasn't doing anything this summer anyway, just training and messing around with Jackson. Then after getting a background check and a little in home study he will be set. Since Jackson's still living with Nicole and I it helps a lot. Jackson doesn't know we're doing this but I can't wait for it to be done so we can tell him, he's going to be so happy.

"Okay now I just need Miss. Maisie and Anna and Brian to sign off in these papers and you will be Jacksons father by the end of the month" the judge smiles pushing papers towards me. I didn't even think about that... I stare at the papers as my heart starts to race and my mind wanders to all the bad in my life. I take the papers in my hands as anger rises inside me and I storm out of the court house.

"Maisie! Maisie wait" Jonathan yells before finally catching up and stopping me.

"Baby what's wrong. You gotta tell me" he insists. I let out a long breath and run my fingers through my hair. I knew that sounded too easy.

"Anna and Brian... those are my parents" I explain and his eyes go wide. I can tell he is thinking of a way out of this.

"Then... we don't have to do this. He can keep calling me dad and that's good enough for me" he claims.

"I can't keep letting them ruin my life, his life. They want us to suffer because of them and I'm tired of them winning. They're already in my head but I guess that's not enough. All the nightmares that keep me up and worrying that they'll do something to hurt Jack or me. I can't let them win" I whisper.

"So forging their signature is out of the equation too then huh" he jokes and I roll my eyes. After I calm down we head home and he sets up his classes while I go in search for my parents. Apparently both my parents just got released from jail the other day and are on house arrest, so I guess they'll be home no matter what. On the bright side there's no way I was losing Jackson to them. After a lot of contemplation I grab my things and head to the door before it gets slammed shut in my face.

"Where where do you think you are going" Jonathan asks.

"Out" I say and he stares at me.

"I see the adoption papers in your purse. Now let me ask you again. Where are you going?"

"To get these signed. I know where they're at and I want this to be over with sooner rather than later" I sigh.

"I want to come with" he claims.

"No. No fucking way I'm dragging you down with me" I insist.

"What makes you think you're going down" he asks.

"Because that's what my family does Jonathan. We're failures. It's in our blood" I explain.

"Maisie, you're not a failure. As far as I can see it your blood is the only thing you have in common with your parents. You're amazing and Jackson is only going up. You're a lot of things... but failure isn't one of them" he says.

"Jonathan... you don't understand. You don't know what it's like going to bed every night starving, nothing in your stomach and still having to go to school the next morning. You don't know what it's like being so weak you can barley clean yourself then the water gets shut off. You don't know what it's like having to walk around your own house in shoes all the time because you could catch a disease from the dirty needles lying around. You don't know what it's like to feel so low, so unwanted and brittle that you don't even know who you are anymore. For seventeen years I was a prisoner of that house, all the abuse and starvation and spite just flying around that house. And I can change all I want but I am a product of that house. That's why I knew Jackson couldn't grow up there. I don't ask for much, simply because I never had anything. But it's hard to think highly of myself when all I know is the lows. And the only reason I'm going back to that hell hole is because Jackson should never know that pain I had. When he thinks of his dad he shouldn't think he's going to hurt him. He shouldn't think that he's going to leave and one of these times he's never going to come back. He shouldn't think that he hates him with every fiber of his being. He shouldn't feel so disgusting and unwanted. He needs you Jonathan... I need you" I say finally breaking down. I don't usually cry in front of people. I cry a lot. Just to myself at like 2 am. But I can't stand on the thought of going back there and having to face them again. But I have to... I just have to.

"Maisie, calm down. I want to help you, if you just let me in. I can take your pain and worries away, I can take good care of you" he shushes me.

"I don't want you to do things for me, I want you to do things with me" I say.

"I can do that. You name it and I'm there. Now will you let me come with you to your parents house because if something was to happen to you and I'm not there to help I will lose it" he claims. I unravel myself from his tight grin and clean up my tears.

"You can come" I say and he lets out a sigh. He opens the door and we walk out and into a possibly the worst decision I've made in a long time.