God Bless The Broken Road (Jonathan Toews)

Family .VS. Hockey

Maisie

It was hard to watch. Jonathan was completely self destructing without hockey. He would skate but he didn't enjoy it as much. He would train but he didn't know what he was getting stronger for. I hated seeing him so torn up. He even forgot our four year anniversary today, which I didn't mind because I'm more focused on how many more years we'll be together then the ones we've been through. But it's tough right now. He usually does something but this morning I was met with the cold shoulder like the pst few mornings. I get he's upset but the ignoring me and the blowing me off. It hurts. I don't want to think we've just been living through the honeymoon phase because I know it doesn't have to be like this. It can be that good all the time, but not with the way he has been acting. I watch as he watches sports center intently, they go on and about the lockout and I know this isn't healthy. Nothing has happened for a while so I'm not sure what they're covering at the moment. Jon can tell you, he has barley left the couch in a week. He doesn't sleep because he's trying to make sure that as information comes out he has it. But he's abandoned our family and other responsibilities that aren't hockey related, he's hurt but he's also pushing away the things that can help him.

"Hey Jon, we wanted to watch a movie. If that's okay with you..." I ask softly as Jackson holds my hand and Everly looks around as I hold her on my side.

"It's not really" he mumbles and I narrow my eyes. The past week or so I'd let comments like that slide but I'm about done with this shit. I didn't do anything wrong.

"Lets try this again. For the first time since god knows when the whole family is together and awake and I think it would be great for once everyone can be together and have a good time. Is that too much to ask?"

"Right now it is. You know this stuff is important" he replies pointing to the tv.

"Oh, and we're not" I ask.

"That's not what I'm saying, don't try to make me sound like the bad guy" he snaps. I let out a breath and turn to Jackson who's hold on my hand was so tight now.

"Baby, take Everly out to your room and play for a little. I'll be there in a bit" I say to Jackson and he nods. He grabs her hand as she waddles down the hallway to his room. I turn to Jonathan as he continues to stare at the screen as if what just happened was okay. I walk over and turn the tv off much to his dismay.

"May I ask what the hell your problem is" I ask.

"Well right now it's you. Turn it back on" he insists.

"No way. Not until you tell me why you're being such an ass hole right now. I get why you're talking to me like that, I don't like it but I get it. But our kids are asking what happened to you. They want to know why their father doesn't want them around. You have no idea how much of a shitty feeling that is. To think the one person in this world that should always love you might not. For a week you've been ignoring me, you don't take the Jackson to school or practice. I can't even tell you the last time I've seen you hold our child. Treat me however you please, but don't do this to the kids" I beg.

"I'm not ignoring them, I'm just busy with the lock out. The sooner it ends the sooner I'll be back to my old self and we can forget all about this" he claims.

"People forget what you say but not how you make them feel. Jonathan you're doing more damage to this family than the lock out is" I inform him.

"I'm trying, okay. But hockey is my profession, there's not much I can do if I lose it" he replies.

"Without hockey you're still a good guy. You're still a husband and a father and a genuinely great guy. You're not nothing. But without us all you will ever be is a hockey player. I don't know what to say to make you realize how much damage you have done. You already lost hockey... do you want to lose me too" I ask.