VICIOUS (II) : peter pan ouat

How to Have Sweet Dreams

Chapter 9

The sun finally rises when we arrive back at camp. A full day has passed since I went out to find the girls, since we stopped to sleep in the forest. The sun will probably only be up for a few hours.

I didn't sleep, instead choosing to keep watch during our trek back to the camp. So now, I'm absolutely exhausted. I haven't slept in maybe a full day, but probably longer. See, when I close my eyes I know what is coming, so I refuse to. Show no weakness, show no fear.

Instead of moving back to the camp, I head over to Peter's house. The sun already sets beneath the horizon by the time I get there, not because it takes a while to get there but because that's how the sun is deciding to be today. It's more annoying than helpful, so now I'm sort of stuck.

When I get up the ladder, I move to the cushioned bed, lying down on top of it. The ceiling is made out of rock, just like the rest of the house. It's deep grey, and looks like a cloud of smoke, or a polluted river.

I close my eyes slowly, letting my head rest on the soft sheets.

My mother's dead body is on the floor. Her peach scent filling the air, turning sour as her expression lays still. In the crook of her arm is my sister, holding on to her tight but crying all the same.

"Look at what you've done!" Johnny cries from behind me.

He holds Alison's grey body, and the very idea of her unravels in his hands, until all he holds are the ashes of her body, and strands of her hair. He pulls it tightly against his chest, the ruins of what she once was displayed across his clothing. A cry escapes his lips, but I can't seem to actually see his face. Only a quivering lip, an eye with tears. I can only seem to see parts of him, and not the whole picture.

Max stares at me, the head of Robert in one hand, and the head of Inali in another. He lifts them both out to me, shoving them towards me, as if a peace offering.

"You did this."

I don't know if he means I killed them, or I made him like this.

I back away, tripping and falling. My feet scramble to lift me off of the bodies beneath me. James, Samuel, Eric, Walela, and many more. So many bodies; bodies I don't recognise but know that I killed.

I can't breathe.

I spin and turn, staring into the eyes of Peter Pan.

He's holding me, and my eyes are wide open. My breath fills the room, and I can feel Peter breathing with me. His eyes stare into mine, confusion displayed across his face with ease.

Neither of us says anything, instead choosing simply to stare at each other. I don't know if there is anything to be said, other than explaining to him what is happening. Like I said though, show no weakness, show no fear.

Part of me wants him to ask, but I know he won't. His eyes have a question in them, but his lips say nothing. I can't decide if it's because Pan can't care, or Peter doesn't want to. Having a boy like him in my life is a struggle, because I want nothing more than to pour my soul into him, but I can't.

It's too dangerous to care about someone. Especially here, and especially now.

I can hear him swallow the spit in his mouth before he bites his lip.

I press my lips against his, choosing not to say anything. Maybe I can distract him with me instead of letting him see beneath my skin. There's very little I have left; not even my mind is my own. But my secrets are. Which is why Alison and Johnny are such big threats, because they know too much.