Scruff [zm] [au]

Nineteen

Hazelnut eyes staring deep into my own. I can feel the thumping of my heart in my throat. His eyes captivating my soul with each blink, each movement deciding which eye to stare. I don't care. I'm in love with this man. It has been two years since I've moved from the apartment when I first met him. I was seventeen, a child, an innocent and naive girl. He was a man, much older me. One thing that is still the same is the infatuation we have for one another. This man is almost a decade older than me and I love him so much for that.

"What's on your mind, baby?"

That accent makes me fall in love with him all over again. Every word. Every syllable. Every morpheme, every phoneme.

"You."

He brings his plump, delicious lips to mine. I always call them mattresses because they're comfortable and big.

His tongue making it's way to where it's always belonged, my own accompanying his, dancing to the lullaby that's rhythm to our love. His hand grabs the back of my head, his fingers slightly scratching and they tug a little, increasing the electricity in my body. I crave him. I need him.

Always. . .

"ANNABELLE!"

I blink.

"Wake the fuck up, you'll miss your first day of college."

I blink. My throat is dry. I didn't recognize Eleanor, my roommate, was waking me up.

I dreamt of him.

I haven't seen him since I moved out. Two years ago. How do I remember him, how do I remember his pretense, his smell. Him. This has to be my mind playing tricks with me. I have trained my mind to repress these memories of him, Freud would want me to suppress and depress these memories to reduce my anxiety.

I shall not mention his name.

"You okay, honey?" Eleanor breaks me out of my thought.

"Yes," I swallow. "What time is it?"

"Eight."

"Eleanor, my class isn't until eleven." I groan and slump back to bed. I cover my head with my blanket, hoping he fades away. . .

"Who is Zayn–"

"What?" I uncover myself, my eyes wide open and somewhat annoyed.

"You were murmuring that name in your sleep. Who is this Za–"

"I forbid you from saying that name."

"Why? Who is he?"

I love Eleanor, but she's very curious.

"Curiosity killed the cat."

"Satisfaction brought if back!" Eleanor laughs.

"I don't want to talk about it. What's for breakfast?" I quickly change the subject and get out of bed. I can feel my eyes watering, I miss him so much, but I dare not to say that out loud. I wonder how's he doing. . . I wonder every day.

"I don't know, your boyfriend has been texting you asking the same question."

I pick up my phone and open the three new messages.

Wake up sleeping beauty, let's get breakfast?:)

I smile and reply.

"How long have you been dating him?" I hear my little sisters voice. She isn't my sister, she just acts like it and reminds me why I don't have a sister.

"Three months?" I laugh.

"How's the sex?"

"Eleanor!" I laugh and throw her my pillow. I certainly do not want to talk about my sex life with her. It's too early and I don't have the energy. The sex isn't bad, he's the first one I've ever done it before. It hurt at first but now we both enjoy it. I love sex and any woman should too, if they like it.

--

I'm sitting in the cafe shop. On my phone waiting for Austin to arrive. I look out the window and stare into the skyscrapers Chicago has to offer. I always wished living in an apartment high in one of these. It's not always busy in the street of the city, only in Michigan avenue because of the shopping.

A red, maroonish beanie caught my eye. His back was towards me but he was talking to a girl, his head was turned to the side enough for me to detect his facial hair. He had a lot. I'm into facial hair and Austin lack of it. It's okay. I'm open to anything.

For a second my mind goes there.

Impossible. It cannot be him.

He turns around. It's not him.

I felt an unsettled feeling. Disappointed. I'm so foolish to even think it was him. I cannot think of him ever. I don't understand why I dreamt of him! I should be dreaming of Austin! Not him. I'm thankful of Austin he's. . . Nice. Why am I stressing over a man who is not in my life anymore, I'm so thankful he's not in my life anymore. All he ever did was hurt me and lie to me and slept with my best friend. I hate him.

"Long time no see, love."

Him.

--
I just wrote this in like 20 min and it's almost 2 am lolz you're welcome!