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{ - I have nothing to say 😂😂 - }

3/31/17

-=Emmett=-

I walked in with my bag that I brought to Rosie's house, now filled with dirty clothes... and dirty memories lol.

Yes, I think in text-speak. Do you have a problem with that? Didn't think so.

I threw it down and heard people scrambling around upstairs. Smirking, I called out. "Eddie dear! I'm home!"

Suddenly Edward and Bella practically stumbled their way downstairs and they looked at me with forced smiles on their shocked-looking faces.

Ooh, I bet they were in the middle of something. Sexy.

Ow, what the hell Rose!! Oh wait, Rose isn't here. Well, she would've slapped me if she was. Whatever.

"Bellie!!!" I called in excitement, walking over and picking her up in a big bear hug. I glanced over and saw Edward giving me a confused look. "What? You didn't really think I was here for you, did you?"

He shook his head and chuckled weakly. Gross, why would I care about him?

"Emmett," Bella wheezed. "I can't breathe."

"Oopsies," I replied, dropping her. She gasped for air and I smiled at both of them with my sneaky, I-Know-You-Did-Something smile.

"Stop smiling like that,"  Edward said. "It's creepy."

"You two were doing the horizontal hula, weren't you?" I asked with a sly grin. Bella furrowed her eyebrows.

"What?"

"You know, hiding the salami? Sinking the sausage? Dancing the horizontal mambo? Edward was showing you the disappearing cane trick, wasn't he?"

Edward had his face in his hands, and I saw his cheeks were dark pink. Bella still looked confused.

"Bella!" I shouted. "Were you two shagging or not?!"

She flinched before she started blushing profusely, too.

"Emmett, just stay out of it, okay?" Edward frowned at me.

"You didn't stay out of it, why should I?"

"Oh my God, Emmett!!" Bella cried in embarrassment.

"I hope you didn't say that last night. That wouldn't make Edward very happy."

Edward just looked at me as if I had committed murder. After a few moments of silence - that was probably awkward to them, but I really had no problem with it - I decided to keep talking.

"So how was it, Bell? Does he have a stick or a log?"

"Okay, that's it, I'm going home!" Bella threw her hands up in exasperation before she turned and ran up the stairs.

"But I'm curious!" I called after her, and I walked over to the bottom of the staircase. "You have to pay for whatever you broke!"

"Emmett, why do you have to do that?" Edward asked me, irritated.

"Because, Eddie. I just want to know when my little buddy finally gets some." I replied, squeezing his cheeks before slapping him lightly on the cheek.

"Stop it," he frowned, swatting my hand away.

Bella came back down the stairs then, her phone in her hand and her shoes on her feet.

"I'll call you or something?" She looked at Edward questioningly as she walked by.

"Are you sure you have to go, baby?" He replied.

Gross.

"Yeah, I know Rose is home alone now and she'll be calling any minute anyway. She'll be prepared to ambush me when I get home."

"Okay. I love you." he said, kissing her softly.

"I love you, too," she pulled away and waved awkwardly to me, to which I responded with a wide grin and an enthusiastic wave goodbye, before she turned and hurried out the door.

"I didn't see her car in the driveway." I told Edward, confused.

He shrugged. "I guess she's walking home?"

We lapsed into silence for a moment before I turned to him.

"Oh my God, Eddie, tell me everything!"

Edward rolled his eyes and sighed. "Okay."

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