Demolition Lovers

Anniversary

[Beth]

I woke up in Frank’s naked arms for the third time in a month. It felt, honestly, wonderful. His breath wasn’t laced with sleeping pills and whiskey and he was so gentle, so loving – even though I knew nothing was between us but angst and desire to feel love, even if it was fake. I smiled and kissed his temple before getting out of bed and dressing myself, leaving to go back to Gerard. How ironic.

Frank got dressed alongside me, saying nothing. We didn’t need to speak, we were both guilty as fuck with no way to fix what had already happened. I loved Gerard, and Frank knew that. But Frank also knew that to love I needed to be loved, even if it wasn’t by the man I was desperately in love with – Gerard.

I made us some coffee and popped down two pieces of toast. I couldn’t just kick Frank out like a one night stand, he was my friend, and I respected him. I handed him a mug of black coffee and he just looked at me sadly before taking a sip.

“You know what we’re doing is wrong, right?” He asked as I took my seat across my small little table top. I nodded.

“He needs help. And this is not helping. He’s going to figure it out, you know.” He commented.

“No,” I said quickly. “No he isn’t, Frank. He’s constantly fucking trashed, he won’t even realize I’m gone.”

Frank just gave me that same sad look like he knew something I didn’t, but it was  also a guilty look, because of what we’d been doing behind his best friends – and my boyfriend’s – back.

I never thought I’d be the type of girl for this, honestly, especially after finding someone as wonderful and as amazing as Gerard, and I still can’t believe what I’ve done. But what’s done is done and I can lie to Gerard and his whole family but I cannot lie to myself. I’m a cheater. And it chews at my sanity every waking moment.

The toast popped up and I ran over to grab it, buttering one for myself and jelly on the other for Frank because he doesn’t do dairy products, the freak. He ate it quickly but I just picked and nibbled away at mine, to hurt and full of guilt to really eat at the moment.

[Gerard]

I look at the empty spot next to me and sigh. I’m not sure if it’s in content or more melancholy-ish. Maybe she has something planned for us today, I try and tell myself, but I know she’s not there, or here at all.

I’ve been growing suspicious lately, but I don’t want to believe my fears. Beth would never hurt me like that. My hand goes up to my throbbing head and I reach into the bedside table for a couple – 5 – painkillers. I sigh as I swallow them and force myself to throw them up, for her.

I make the assumption she’s been spending time away, just because of my substance abuse and is probably just asleep in her apartment. I dress and make my way- on foot – without touching any alcohol. All for her.

[Beth]

We barely talk anymore. Just sit in each other’s company because neither of us have anybody else to spend it with.

“I just wish he knew what he was doing to us, I miss him,”

Frank nods sadly because Gerard is his best friend too. I put the plates and mugs in the sink but don’t bother to wash them. I walk Frank to the door even though it’s in the kitchen and Gerard is standing outside of it, a bouquet of flowers in his right hand and a fading smile on his face.

[Gerard]

Who is she talking to? I wonder as I get ready to knock on her door. My heart is banging in my chest with what I tell myself is the butterflies that Beth gives me, but it’s heartbreak. My heart is breaking again and I can’t breathe but I don’t move and the door opens and she’s hugging Frank and he’s looking at me like a deer in headlights and she’s still oblivious but then she turns and she sees and drops her hands from Frank’s neck and gawks at me like I’m an estranged brother and I still can’t move because she’s been cheating on me with my fucking best friend.

“Y-you bitch!” I yell at her and throw the flowers at her chest. She catches them and her mouth moves but there are no words following and she’s starting to cry and I’m angry and already crying but I still can’t make myself fucking leave.

“Do you even know what today is, Beth?!” I yell and people are coming out of their apartments but I’m just flipping them off and not leaving and looking from Frank to Beth and from Beth to Frank to my feet to the flowers and passed them into her living room.

Frank nods at me. He knows. He knows and he still slept with her. I’m mad at him, I’m mad at both of them equally but it hurts more from Beth’s side because I LOVE her.

Beth shakes her head. She doesn’t know. She really doesn’t know and it hurts even more now and oh god – my heart is going to malfunction and I’m going to die right here right now.

“It’s our fucking 6 month anniversary, Beth! Half a year in helpless love with you, and th-this?! Why!?” I screamed, “ Fucking why?”

She just looks to Frank who won’t make eye contact with her because he knew and he didn’t tell her and he feels bad and guilty but won’t leave.

So I do, I leave and I don’t even turn around when Frank calls after me and Beth is screaming, “He’s going to kill himself!”

Because maybe I will.