Shadowed Sun

Interlude - Tsunade

Tsunade knew how horrible life could be at times. She knew how it could seem so wonderful and magical one moment, and gut-wrenching awful the next. Grief and pain had forced the Sannin to grow bitter and cynical over the years. She knew she was being selfish. She knew how much the village needed her—especially after Orochimaru's defection and the Kyūbi attack, but she couldn't bring herself to not think about the past. She was lost it, a slave to her memories.

It was always the happier ones that hurt her the most. Because she knew she would never get to experience those memories again. And while the sad ones cut her just as well, it was a different kind of hurt. Guilty kind of hurt. She would rather feel regretful and guilty over the worse ones, than bitter and depressed over the happy ones.

She knew she could seek help. She could talk it out, work it out, move on, but she couldn't bring herself to. On some level of her, she wanted to be in pain. She thought she deserved it for not only failing once, but twice to her two most precious people.

She had spent her years, bitterly gambling away and trying her hardest to cling to the past. She could have lied and said she truly wanted it that way—that she was content in a roundabout way. But she didn't because that would have been too big of a lie.

Was it wrong of her to want to move on and forget them?

She had thought so. And by wanting that one thing, she drove herself further into guilt.

It wasn't until two little brats came along and forced her out of her stupor.

The first one, Miwako, blatantly showed her distaste for Tsunade's lifestyle. She threw words right into Tsunade's face that Tsunade had been secretly calling herself for years. It had stung and hit her right where it hurt that Tsunade was furious with the little brat for a long while.

The second one, Naruto, also showed his open skepticism towards the Sannin, as well as his irritation. But there was no real bite to the insults he threw, just quiet determination to prove himself. In so many ways he reminded her of those two. It pained her to a new level and she attempted—in vain, might she add—to push him far away.

On that battle, Tsunade was beyond surprised when it was Miwako who first came to her rescue. There was still some distaste in her eyes and tone, but underneath it Tsunade could see her resolve to protect the Sannin with every fiber of her being. She had fought and she had shielded Tsunade to the best of her ability from Tsunade's own phobia. When her resolve to help her brother was revealed, Tsunade was torn. At that moment she sounded scarily like Tsunade herself—from Tsunade's dream and wish to be their support. It was like an echo from her past self, reaching out to the Sannin. She had been knocked unconscious in battle, at the same time the others had arrived, but she had impressed Tsunade already... and forced her to think.

When Naruto had arrived, he was beyond angry at Miwako's state, but he vowed to do his best for Tsunade just as Miwako had—though for different reasons. He fought and he had won to some extent. But what really made an impression on Tsunade was how so very much like he was to those two. He had their determination, their smiles, their will, their dream... and how when he fought to protect Miwako he sounded just like her fighting to protect her younger sibling.

It was an emotional battle and if anyone asked Tsunade, she would say it was a waste of time and it should have never happened.

But really, she was soveryglad it did because it gave her reason to move away from the past. To stop being in so much self-inflicted pain.

So she was glad she came back to Konoha, glad that she could be there for them, glad that she would be able to watch them grow. Because if it wasn't for those two, she wouldn't be Tsunade anymore. She would just be a weary woman consumed by her bitterness and guilt.