Shadowed Sun

Hatred

Warning: Maiming, and trauma. NOT sexual assault.

As a note, when I originally wrote this story I wrote Miwako as a character to put through my genuine fears as an adolescence and as someone to help me cope through the trauma I personally experienced.

What occurs here, and her thoughts afterwards do not reflect my true current feelings on this matter. That being said, I, as a prepubescent, had these thoughts and I believe Miwako would share these thoughts. I will not apologize for past traumatic thoughts.

That being said, the subject may make you uncomfortable. Please proceed with caution, and if you feel you simply cannot handle this trauma then don't. I wrote this story as a way to help myself cope, not to openly trigger other readers.

(Flashback~)

I stared at the belly with wide, round eyes. My doctor, Nunnally White - or as she preferred I called her, just Nunnally smiled at me. Her hair was done up in a bun, a few dark black strands sticking out as she adjusted her glasses. She rolled her chair over to my bed, a clipboard in hand and a mischievous spark in her eyes.

"If your eyes get any bigger, they'll pop out," Nunnally said teasingly. My cheeks flushed and I smiled shyly at her.

"Is a baby really going to come out?" I asked quietly, gesturing to her.

Nunnally's eyes gleamed. Her tone softened and a warmer glow took to her. "That's right. A baby girl."

I hadn't seen Nunnally so soft before. She was a nice doctor, I suppose. She was very polite. Nunnally told me I was her youngest patient, and that she was used to treating adults. She said that she knew my father, though, and that she was one of the best oncologists around, and that was why she was treating me.

She was a nice doctor, but I got the feeling she didn't like me very much at first.

But, a few months ago her demeanor changed. Instead of just talking to my parents, and then just giving me a list of big words that were supposed to make me better, or just running more radiation treatments, and then leaving... she stayed. She lingered and she talked.

She started to bring me little toys and asked me which ones I liked best. I liked it when she told me stories during the tests. It made them go by a lot faster.

She told me she was going to have a baby.

"Do you love her?" I asked.

"Of course I do," Nunnally said. "And you know, when I'm on my maternity leave..."

"It's not that you're leaving me, it's just that you need to take care of your baby, I know," I said, grinning sheepishly.

Nunnally placed a hand over her abdomen. "It won't be too much longer now."

I stared at her belly, then my eyes trailed down. A cold knot was starting to form in my stomach and a stab of jealousy ran through me. "... You... you're going to spend a lot of time with her?"

"As much as I can."

"And you'll love her... unconditionally?"

Nunnally peered at me, a curious glint entering her eyes. "Yes."

"And she'll love you unconditionally, too, right?"

She laughed lightly. "I hope so."

"I bet she does already."

"Are you alright?"

My hands curled into fists, my gaze refusing to raise. The jealousy wouldn't leave me be. "Momma isn't coming today, again."