Born to be Dauntless

Chapter 18

It felt weird to talk to Peter about different things,and laugh with him. I laughed with him,I actually did,I think he is showing me another side of himself,his private side,I like this side of him,it seemed very sincere and honest,well I guess that's because he grew up in candor,but still it felt weird,while talking I didn't feel like I was with someone who had stabbed another person or was my rival,I felt like he was a friend,my friend. My eyes widen in shock , " What do you mean you haven't seen Star Wars?" I ask him and he laughs, " I mean that I haven't watched it,we don't really watch science fiction movies in candor." I open my mouth to say something " But science fiction movies and books are the best part of life!" I say ," well,we believe that realistic movies and books are much better since they give you a real view to life," I shake my head in frustration , " I'm not saying realistic books or movies are bad,my favorite book is realistic,but I just really love science fiction books" he just shrugs and we stay silent for a while,but it's a comfortable silence, I finally break the silence ," You know you're really like Darth Vader also known as Anakin Skywalker ," he turns to me ," isn't that the bad guy?" He asks me,"Anakin is not a bad guy,he is just lost,and so are you,he eventually found his way back to the light,like you will." He stops looking at the sunset,and I realize that I just told him my real and deepest thoughts about him,what will he think about these thoughts? They sounded really nerdy and also childish ,I quickly add " Okay,I - I ,ugh," I stop talking when he asks , " You really mean that?" I look directly into his eyes and try my best not to get lost in the greenness of them,"I really do," I say with a smile. We stay silent ,just watching the sunset,until I check my watch,my eyes widen,we only have three minutes,I point at my watch and a moment later ,we're running ,we reach there panting and everyone turns to look at us,their eyes widen as they see us,next to each other,panting,but none of them say anything . It's finally my turn to go in. I sit down,and I am swallowed by the darkness .
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I wake up to the sound of buzzing,I look around,I am surrounded by bees,correction,insects,I yell and try to get up ,but it seems like I am on a cloud of insects,I don't know how I can stand these insects for thirty minutes,I honestly don't want to do this,so I close my eyes and imagine a clear room,without any insects,only a white room,I completely forget the fact that I shouldn't do this,this is what divergents do,I am yelling that I am divergent by doing this,but fear has gotten into me,and I just want it to stop and it does and my heart beat and my breathing slows down,so I wake up.
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"What was that ? You know you shouldn---" I stop Four " I know and I am so sorry,I couldn't control it,I had to stop it,I really am sorry,it won't happen again,I promise ." He opens his mouth but then closes it again and sighs , "okay,I'll do something about it" He says and nods his head at me,I nod back and leave,I am so ashamed of losing control like that,that was very illogical,but I also feel ,powerful,like I can do anything,because in simulations,I really can.