devoted 2. || grayson dolan

im sorry

*not edited*

Sophia POV

I sigh and look out at the ocean. I've been standing here for almost an hour. I can see everyone but they can't see me. I sniff and wipe away my teas.

I'm crying because I'm mad. I'm mad because Bryan just keeps saying stupid things. How dare he say something like that? Especially when it's not true. He never took my virginity.

"Hey" I turn around and stare at

"Leave" I say as soon as recognize him. He sighs and stands next to me. He ruffles his hair before he looks down at his feet.

I would run away but I'm not going to. I was here first so he's the one that should leave. I haven't been this close to him for a year, and I don't know why I'm not freaking out. With what just happened he's my last worry.

"Are you really dating that?" Grayson mumbles. I chuckle and shake my head.

"Well you know, at least he doesn't cheat" I respond angrily.

He chuckles and nods his head.

"Ouch" he mumbles

"What are you even doing here Grayson?" I ask as I finally face him. He stares at me with a small smile.

"You got taller" he says. I try my best not to smile but I fail. Of course he would say something like that.

"You got...older. You look old" I say and he giggles.

"I don't know why I'm laughing right now. My boyfriend basically said that he took my virginity, which isn't true, I'm not that stupid. And I'm talking to my ex boyfriend who cheated on me. What is even life?" I say as I sigh. He clears his throat.

"About that. I'm sorry. I  said that because...well I was a dick. And I didn't cheat on you Sophia. I said that, that day because I didn't want to tell you what really was going on. I wasn't thinking straight so I said what I knew would hurt you and made you not want to be with me ever again" he says.

I stand still without any expression. I don't know if this is a prank, if he's lying or if he's saying that truth. If I'm honest this is something Grayson would do.

Every time he wouldn't to talk about something he would lie or change the subject.

"W-what the fuck. Why would you do that you dick. Did you know how much I cried after that? How much I hated myself because I thought I was the reason why you cheated. I thought I wasn't good enough for you. Ughhhh I hate you!" I say as I kick my feet against the rocks.

"I hate myself too" he says. I look up and roll my eyes at him.

I don't think I'm mad. Who the fuck am I kidding? Of course I m mad. The time I was alone I kept telling myself that I wasn't good enough for him, which was stupid of me because no girl should ever think that.

"Do you still do that?" I ask after about 2 minutes of silent. He sighs and doesn't even respond. That's a yes.

"Grayson, you can't keep doing that. You did it to me, ok well to bad right? But you can't keep doing it to every single girl you date. I know how hard it is to open up. What would be the point of having a girlfriend if you can't even trust her" I say why I truly think about all this.

He can't keep pushing the people he cares about because he can't say what's in his mind.

"I know that. I did have a girlfriend and I clearly blew it off, I mean look at her she's now dating a guy who clearly doesn't respect her" he says going back to his opinion about Bryan, he's right.

I sigh and bite my lip.

"Can I ask you something?" He asks

"Yeah" I answer back

"Do you l-love him?" He asks nervously.

I once again bite my lip and look down where everyone is. I can see him talking to Alex as he holds a huge smile on his face.

"I-I don't know. I don't know if I love him, like true love or I love him because he's been there for me and I care about him. I'm confused, I'm afraid of saying I love him when in reality I don't. I just don't know what to do" I don't know why I just said that out loud. I can feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

"Did you love me?" I look at him with watery eyes. He looks back and bites his lip.

"I need to go, it was nice seeing you again Grayson" I say and walk away. I can hear him calling my name but I ignore him.

- 

I enter my room and I shut the door behind me. I remove my pants and I change into some short shorts and a shirt. I go and sit down in front of my piano and I start playing One Last Time.

I sing the lyrics and in the middle of the song I let my tear out. I stop playing and I start crying hard. How did I end up in this situation. I promised myself to not let myself get affected by anyone this way.

Every since I started touring with Justin something in me changed. I'm not as close as I am with my parents and friends. It's as if I lost myself.

Most if the time I rather be alone then to be in a room with people.

Today has just been a long day. I mean I seriously just talked to me ex who, as corny as it might sound, broke my heart and made me hate myself. My current boyfriend loves to lie. I can't say I love you to him. And I couldn't even answer Grayson's question because I'm afraid.

••••

Sorry I haven't update!! I've been so busy with school🙄 I have 6 weeks left before summer and I'm working my ass of because next year I'm gonna be a Junior which is the hardest year, I'm gonna be taking advance classes that I never thought I would, I'm literally gonna be in a room full of white people (no I'm not being racist) I'm Latina so that's why I feel a little nervous.

Anywaysssss...what do you guys think about today's chapter??