homophobic • gxg [✔]

one

o n e

"I'm gay." I say to myself as I look into my mirror. The words came out with worriness and unsure feelings.

Oh! I didn't even introduce myself. Hi, I'm Janelle Brooks, I'm 16 and on January 8th, 2017 I came to the realization that I was gay.

I can't believe it, honestly. Why, me?

I've never been attracted to boys. I've been asked out quite a few times, but I always rejected. Sure, the guy could be charming and had a good personality.. But for some reason I always see our future as just friends. None the less.

And it's weird, too. I can only remember having girl crushes. My friends and I would talk about crushes and I'd just be that one person that's like "So Shyanne is really cute", and they'd just look at me and then laugh.

I sighed and look myself in the eye, even though I hated eye contact. "I'm gay..." I whispered this time. I squinted my eyes and then sighed. "I'm gay."

I purse my lips and leave the bathroom, a little proud that I came out to myself and a little more disgusted.

I just feel gross.

I have never had a problem with gays or the LGBTQ+ community. I think they should be treated the same, honestly. But, that doesn't mean I want to be like them...

"I've grown up in a Catholic family, what am I going to do?!" I ask myself, heart racing as I plop onto my bed.

I didn't feel right at all.

I did not want to be like this! Why could I just not be normal?

Thinking of things to do, I'd decided to come out to every one tommorrow.

I mean, what's it gonna hurt to at least see if anyone will accept me?

After about an hour of sitting in absolute silence, I called my best friend Nick, who's gay. Maybe he'd know what to do.

He picked up after 3 rings answering with a bubbly "Hello?".

"Hey Nickyy, it's me." I answer, emphasizing his name.

"Oh my gosh, hey Janelle! What's up?" He asked with a bit of concern but still perkiness.

"Can you come over? My mom and sister aren't home right now." I ask him, sounding a bit desperate.

"Suree boo! I will be there faster than you can say atractio y atrevido!" He replied with, in a bit of a Spanish accent. I chuckle and hang up.

*********************

He gets at my house 10 minutes later, and I was hesitant in answering the door. I was so nervous. I started twiddling my thumbs and waited for the bell to ring. It finally rung.
I opened the door to find a bit of a sweaty Nick, panting and his hands on his knees.

"Oh gosh, Nick! What happened?" I ask with concern, welcoming him in.
He comes in and goes straight to the kitchen, grabbing a water bottle and chugging it down. Wow, I never knew someone could chug something that quick.

"Oh my gosh, sorry! I ran down here as fast as I can because I knew something was up, bitch. You would never just call at nine in the afternoon for nothing!" He says, after calming down.

Damn it, he knows me so well.

"Okay well, Nick.." I start and he stares at me, impatiently waiting for me to go on. "Let's sit first" I gesture to the couch and we sit down.

"So?" He asks, crossing his arms, looking very interested.

"I'm..gay." The words came out my mouth very slowly.

Nick simply smiled at me. "I know." he said, arms still crossed.

What the hell does he mean "I know?" I think.

My eyebrows raise in suprise. "What do you mean, you know??" I ask, my voice a little loud.

"I mean, I've been known. For a long time to be honest." He says proudly.

I slap his chest. "Nick! Why didn't you say anything?!" I yell playfully, but still a little upset he hadn't told me.

"'Cause I wasn't gonna say Hey, Janelle. I know you're like gay and shit even if you don't know but like I still love you so have fun figuring yourself out!. Janny Jelly Bean, you really think I wasn't gonna let you FIND YOURSELF first?" He explains. I chuckle and give his words a thought.

"Ugh, you're right. But," I lay on his lap. "What am I gonna do?"

"Embrace it, bitch!" He says in such a perky manner that I have to laugh.

What if I don't want to? I nearly say, but I keep it in my head.

"I'm serious Nick. I don't know how to come out to anyone..." I sigh.

"Just play do it casually. Don't make it such a big thing." He advises.

But it is really big, if you ask me. I ponder.

"Okay, Nick. If this doesn't work, I'm going down the block to your house and beating the living daylights out of you." I playfully threaten.

He chuckles and pats my head. "It'll be alright, Janelle." He assures.

He leaves a little later and I sigh and throw myself onto the couch.
I don't know whether or not I feel better. Maybe worse, I don't even know.

This is gonna be one hell of a day tomorrow. I think and groan.

~

a/n: So how was the first chapter? Did ya like it? Any thoughts? Requests? What do you think will happen next?
Let me know :)

love you hoes -keira

Word Count: 924