homophobic • gxg [✔]

twelve

twelve

Day 2 - Stop calling homosexuality a healthy lifestyle; It's awful and full of sin

"Ma?" I ask my mom, as I pick at my banana nut muffin.

It was Tuesday afternoon, and I basically avoided everyone and had lunch at Starbucks again.

"Yeah, Janny Jelly Bean?" She asks me, wiping her hands on a dish towel and looks at me. I almost gag at the nickname.

"Do you ever think that...well... gay people are sinners?" I ask, my voice trailing off a few times.

"Hm," Is she said, thinking for a second, "Well, when I was in college I knew a girl who was gay and was kicked out for trying to make a homosexual sorority. But do I think they're sinners? No."

I thought about what she said for a minute.

"But, mom, aren't they disobeying the bible? Doesn't the bible say man and woman marry, not man and man or woman and woman!" I say calmly, trying not to anger myself.

"Let's think of it this way. Eve was told not to eat an apple from a certain tree, yet she did. That's the same thing as gays being told to marry a woman but they don't. You cannot force someone to do something they don't want to." My mom explains.

"Ma, that's a sin." I say quickly.

"Janelle, aren't you gay?" She asks me, eyebrow cocked.

I nod slowly, gulping down the huge lump in my throat.

"Then why are you asking me about this?"

She was right. I made it seem too obvious, like I was againist gays.

"Ma, I don't want to be gay." I admit, chewing on the inside of my lip.

For a second, all she did was nod. I guess she was taking in what I had said.

"Why do you think that?" She finally asks.

"Because I feel so disgusting! As if I'm sinning! I already stated it; the bible says man and woman shall marry!" I says loudly, but not in a yelling manner.

"Janelle," My mom looks at me in the eyes, "I thought I always told you to love yourself."

I slam my hand against the island and groan, "I can't love myself at this point! You've never gone through this, you don't know what it's like!"

"Tell me what it's like then." My mom rests her arms on the island.

I hesitate for a moment. How was I to tell my mom what it's like not accepting yourself?

"You know how people say they're fat becauee other people tell them they are, so they try to lose weight?" I ask rhetorically, "It's like that. People call you a fag and you start believing you are a fag and you change yourself."

"Why would you ever want to change yourself? You are amazing." My mom softly says, with a hint of confusion in her voice.

"Because I want to be normal, mom!" I slam my hand against the island once more, with much more force.

"You are normal. Just a little abnormal. But that's okay."

"I want to just be fully normal."

"There's no such thing, Janelle. You have to accept that."

"And if I don't?" I raise my eyebrow.

"You change that, but in this case you can't do that. You cannot force yourself to be straight." My mom explains.

"Ma, I'm doing a five day challenge to become gay in less than a week." I reveal, getting annoyed.

Her eyes become wide, and she shakes her head disapprovingly.

"I don't see how you think it will work," My mom shakes her head one last time, "I don't see how you can't just accept yourself when a lot of people already do."

I shake my head violently and mutter a "No" in between shakes. "I want everyone to accept me. I don't want to live life being known as a faggot."

"Janelle, you are not a faggot! Stop using that word!" My mom snaps, sounding as if she was on the verge of tears.

"Mom I can't!" I shout, "I feel unhealthy living a gay life and I know that I won't get better until I'm cured!"

"Janelle!" She yells, before slamming her hand against the island that bordered us.

"Mom, I'm sorry, but I can't do it. I have to cure myself." I say softly.

My mom sighs, sounding as if she gave up on our entire conversation. "Janelle, I hope throughout this entire challenge, you'll learn to love yourself. I can force you to be who you really are, and I'm sorry that you feel this way. I wish you the best of luck." My mom leaves the kitchen quickly.

I looked down at the banana nut muffin I forgot to eat. I was a little hungry still and I could really enjoy the afternoon snack.

But I wouldn't eat the muffin. I simply threw it away.

Because muffins weren't healthy, and you'd want to avoid it if you were overweight.

Day 2 - Completed
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a/n: kms kms kms wattpad didn't save the other version of this chapter so i made an alternate one of mainly janelle and her mom conversing.

and I also didn't like the other version anyways so

Word Count: 871