homophobic • gxg [✔]

eleven

eleven

Day 1 - Being honest with your sins

"You should not be this way. It's not right, the most reasonable solution is to turn straight." I repeated to myself in my bathroom mirror on Monday morning.

"You should not be-" Knock knock. I open the door to reveal an impatient Eva.

"Janelle, hurry the fuck up!" She groans, tapping her foot rapidly.

"Take your own car." I calmly say, and shut the door in her face.

I hear her footsteps fade away, and I repeat my new slogan to myself 3 more times before heading out the door.

~~~~

I got to school and of course got a few judgemental looks. My god, do these people not have lives? Do they continuously bug people about one flaw that they have for fun?

Highschool I think, as I walk to my locker. For once  I was actually early to school and had time to go to my locker.

I look at myself in my small mirror inside my locker and repeat my slogan a couple of times.

"You should not be this way, it's not right, the only reasonable resolution is to become straight." I close my eyes, to try to remember it better.

"You should not-" I'm interrupted, again, by a sudden shocked voice.

"Janelle?" I hear a voice behind me ask, and I turn around and see Jade.

Of course, I think, mentally rolling my eyes.

"Hello." I say with no emotion, trying not to care.

"Um, what were you saying before?" She asks me, shifting her weight to the right side of her body.

"Why does it matter?" I ask, putting my hands on my hips.

"Stop," She rolls her eyes, "Stop trying to push me away. Whatever is wrong with you, I want to know."

I squinted at her for second, trying to read her expression. Her lips were formed in a straight line and she was pulling her brown hair at the ends a bit. I guess she was just concerned. Or worried. I couldn't tell.

"I just don't want to be with you." Is all I said, and it kind of hurt to say.

"Oh?" Jade nervously laughed,  "We weren't exactly dating, Janelle."

"Exactly. I don't want to date you nor be seen with you, honestly. I think that was a mistake." My heart was starting to sting, but I ignored the pain.

You're just being honest with your sins, Janelle I think.

"Oh." Jade says, trying not to show the hurt in her eyes. "Okay, well same. It was mistake that I shouldn't have made."

I gulp, and turn away from her, closing my locker, and walked to my first period.

~~~~~~~

Every period sucked, every lesson went through one ear and out the other. I tried my best to concentrate, but I just couldn't. I was too busy worrying about Jade, honestly.

Did I hurt her? Was she sad or mad? Was I too hard?
The questions went through my head as the bell for lunch rung.

The cafeteria was not a very good place to go to if you wanted to sort out your feelings and plans for the week. It was a noisy and busy place, not a place for thinking.

So, I went to Starbucks and ordered a coffe and donut, and say at an empty table.
I wanted to make sure about how Jade felt, so I opened up Instagram Direct Messages.

Janelle
did I hurt you?

Jade
what?

Janelle
were my words from this morning too hard?

Jade
no you did not hurt me

Janelle
oh, well ig this is goodbye since I don't really want you as a friend anymore.

Jade
janelle what are you doing?

Janelle
I'm at Starbucks

Jade
No, I mean, why are you doing this to yourself ?? like why are you allowing everyone to lose you?

Janelle
It's apart of life, letting go lmao

Jade
hm, okay. goodbye janelle.

*read*

I gulped the huge lump in my throat down. "Goodbye." I mutter to my screen, and take a few sips of coffee. It was scorching hot on my throat, but it helped the pain.

I was doing this to forget about my past friends and life. To make a new and much happier one.

To be known as the girl who was gay and turned herself straight.

And I was completely fine with that.

Day 1 Completed

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a/n: ik so short sorry but each day will be about 700 to 900 words don't kill me

Word Count: 754