homophobic • gxg [✔]

ten

ten

I spent the Saturday crying, crying and more crying.

That was the only thing good about the situation, was that this all happened on a Friday. I had to clear my head over the weekend, which was good.

That Friday after Nick left my house, Lyssa, Grace and Jade unfollowed me on Instagram. Nick unadded me from Snapchat and blocked my number.

I guess none of them wanted to keep in contact with me anymore.

And that hurt, but I understood. Who'd want to be friends with a gay freak like me?

My mind was the most annoying part about the situation. The good side of my mind would fight with the bad side of my mind all through out the night and it irritated me.

Who knew your own head could turn against you.

Saturday was just as worse. All I could do was cry, let it all out.  And I guess one thing led to another, where I ended up beating myself up, trying to make my mind shut up.

Janelle, it's going to be alright!

Stop lying to the girl. She lost all her friends because she's a stupid fag.

I am not lying. Being a homosexual is something that everyone should be proud of.

Breaking the bible's rules aren't something you shouldn't be proud of.

It's not sinning! It's loving yourself!

Gays don't deserve love.

They do!

They don't.

"Stop confusing me!" I scream between sobs, placing my hands on both sides of my face. I get up and start kicking and punching the air, and then myself.

"W-What do you want from me?" I scream, pulling at my own hair.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm such a stupid fag!" I stop hitting myself, and I let all my tears fall. "I'm s-sorry!"

I throw myself back into my bed, putting my face into the pillow and screaming.

"Fag!" I scream. "You stupid gay girl that doesn't deserve love!"

I deeply sigh and turn to face the ceiling.

"What am I going to do?" I ask my mind, wiping my red eyes.

Conversion therapy

No! Do anything BUT conversion therapy! Look up how to cure  homosexuality, for all I care! Just not conversion therapy!

I shake my head, wondering what was so bad about conversion therapy. It didn't sound so bad, just a way to cure homosexuality.

But since I didn't want a huge headache by the way my mind was fighting, I decided to look up "How to cure homosexuality" on my laptop.

I scrolled through various sites, until I stopped at one called "5 Ways".

"How to cure homosexuality in 5 ways or more" The site read, "5 Ways is here to help you get rid of that pesky disease we call homosexuality. Follow all the steps and you will be guaranteed a new, heterosexual, person."