homophobic • gxg [✔]

nine

nine

Conversion therapy was not off the topic.

It was 3 weeks later, and one week to finals. Everyone was busy, and I was too busy worrying about my sexuality.

No one had stuck to the rest of the Weekly Plans we had. Nick, Lyssa, Grace and I just became.... distant.

I can say the same thing for Jade, too. I kind of gave up on her. A few days after our hangout, she was Instagram posting too much about her "friend", Kate. Yet, I'm pretty sure calling someone your "Ride or die" pretty much only went for couples.

I wouldn't lie when I said I was jealous. I had just decided to get on with life and avoid Jade.

Maybe that would help cure my gayness. 'Cause it was starting to get on my nerves.

I had gotten pretty bad feedback on my "I'm hella gay" Instagram post, as for many bots and religious people started commenting "Fag, you need Jesus" and such.

I wanted to take off commenting, but I didn't wanna seem like a pussy.

A lot of people had started whispering about me at school. I guess since there were very few gay people at the school, they hated seeing a new one pop up.

I just don't get it. Life was so much better before I came out as gay.

It was actually worth living for.

I sigh, and decide to start studying. Finals were a big deal, and I was not failing them.

I'm about 10 minutes in my reading, when my phone buzzed 4 times. Of course it was Jade, again.

I usually left her on read or just responded with "Ok". I know I was being an asshole, but honestly I didn't want to put up with her at this point.

Jade
hi
you dead
helloo
want to hang :^)

Janelle
hang out with Kate.

Jade
can't
she's studying:(

Janelle
oh so im the 2nd option now right? lol

Jade
no bb wym

Janelle
lmao bye jade

I click my phone off after responding to her. To be honest, I wanted to hangout with her, but it would seem awkward.

We hadn't had a full conversation for 3 weeks until now. And that was just a small argument.

I sigh once more, and decide to look up a little more about conversion therapy.

I was reading some of the Wikipedia article when I get a text again, but from Nick.

Nick
hi bitch
felt like i lost you :(
can I come over?

Janelle
ya sure bitch lmao

I go to my bathroom, and I hear Nick already there after 2 minutes.

That was fucking quick I think, washing my hands.

"Biiiitch" I hear him, as he shuts the door closed loudly.

"Hiiii" I yell from inside the bathroom, hesitating on whether or not I should out there and chill with him.

"Janelle?!" I hear him scream, and I run out the bathroom and see him in my room, looking disgusted at my laptop.

Fuck! I still had it on the Wikipedia article! I scream in my head.

"What?" I ask in innocently.

"The fuck is this?!" He yells, pointing to the laptop. "Conversion therapy, Janelle?! Are you fucking nuts?"

I cross my arms and my breathing becomes heavy. "Oh, it's for a um, English project!"

Get better at lying, I think, mentally slapping myself.

"Don't bullshit me, Janelle!" He warns, "I know something has been on your mind for weeks, but not this!!"

I sigh. "What do you care, Nick? It's a fucking therapy center."

"I care because I will not allow you to do this to yourself! Now, tell me what's on your mind, so we can settle it like normal people."

I figured there was no point in lying anymore.

"What's on my mind, Nick?! There's so much on my mind! I feel disgusting! I feel gross! I feel so different from everyone and I HATE it! Being gay has ruined my fucking life in just a month and I hate it! My mind has controlled me and told me that being like this is so wrong! And I can't tell anyone this because I'm fucking scared! I just want to be normal, is that too much to ask for?!" I admit, screaming and throwing my arms up.

And at the moment, I realized who I was talking to.

Nick was fucking gay and I basically just screamed at him for being himself.

He looked awfully offended when I got done my screeching, taking a step back.

"Wow, Janelle. I'm sorry if being gay is disgusting and a totally abnormal thing." He says calmly yet hurt, crossing his arms.

"Nick, no! I'm sorry I-"

"Fucking save it, Janelle!" He takes another step back. "I'm so done with you! You could have told us what happened when it first started! I could have helped you when it was a small problem. Now you've waited so long to tell someone and it's like an erupting volcano!"

My breath hitches and for a second all I are stars.

"Did you want this to happen?!" He screams, making my eye sight go back to normal.

"W-what?" I stutter, shaking my head.

"Losing all of your friends?" He questions, squinting.

"For being gay?" I ask, regretting it instantly.

Nick puts his hands in the air and mutters, "Why do I even try?! My gosh, I'm so through with you, Janelle. Don't call, text or come near me, Lyssa or Grace."

He walks out of my house angrily, and slams the front door. I'm taken back at everything that just went down.

"Did you want this to happen?!"

"I'm so done with you!"

"Don't call, text or come near me, Lyssa or Grace."

My eyes watered but I didn't blink. It was too much.

In that moment, I knew I lost every person that was ever my reason to live.

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a/n: aw i feel bad for janelle myself what am i doing

I actually had doubts on even writing this chapter, but I love the feedback y'all send so I was like so why not lool

Word Count: 1024